Video of me doing a short drum fill

just decided to record a video of me doing a short drum fill for fun.
Still needs lots of practice.he.
The beginning is just warming up the drum fill is towards the end.

Focus shift

First day of school at ite.

I was not very excited to go to school as it was bitter sweet,bitter because the school sucks i mean look at it and sweet because its a new life for me.

Walking pass the front gates and towards school i saw what turned out to be a BAKA waving at me.
Upon getting closer and having a better look it turns out that the BAKA was the girl who was at the interview with me.
She is Lijuan hahaha.
I felt relieved as at least there is someone familiar around.

As bad and sucky the school is compared to ite simei,as long as you get used to it its ok.haha.
Some good points...hmmmm ok more like 1 good point only and that is cheap food thats about it.hahah.


Lijuan lend me a book its andrew matthews being happy.
That book was the start of how my life has changed so radically.


I started to realised many things.
Will share with you what they are for the next post so stay tuned .....meanwhile watch yama onna kabe onna on crunchyroll.com.hahaha.

AS HE THINKETH IN HIS HEART,SO IS HE

CONTINUED>>>>



After that day i lost my faith,confidence,esteem,everything.
I lost the will to carry on,i lost the ability to think big and expect good things.
I felt that i would never again have expectations of having good things,i was not going to aim for the sky anymore.
I had rebuilt myself till i was at the peak and things were going good for me.
Till i fell all the way from the top,i was broken inside out.
I thought to myself
"i have no more strength left to pick myself up anymore for i have done so so many times in just a short period of time."
I was tired,dead heart in a dead world.
I was telling some of my friends that im a dead heart in a dead world.
I gave all i've got and i have nothing left within me to go forth.
I no longer believed in anything anymore.
I have given up totally.
That was how it was.


SO THE QUESTION NOW IS THIS>
How could a person that broken,dead and lost all his strength etc and still managed to pick himself up and live again?
And if i can do it so can any of you.Simple as that.Read on>>>

Dinah and timothy was there for me when i was broken,and i broke down a few times.
It was just horrible.Its thanks to them too that im who im today.
Then i left the job.
A good friend,Chan told me that i shouldn't try to reach for sky that i should be grounded.
He is a wise guy and he said that he have seem many people and he knows about things and that he asked me for my birthday before and he could tell that i wasn't meant to make it big that i can only live my life roughing it out as a commoner.
Hearing that kept me grounded but it killed me as to hear something like that and i started to believe so too.
I know he meant well.
My friend Daniel,introduced me to watch bleach an anime.
And so i watched and i also watched naruto.
Naruto inspired me a great deal and it strengthen me during that dark period.
Naruto has a never say die attitude and so he never backs out and give up no matter how badly beaten he was.
It touched me and i then adopted his attitude.
And he also strongly believes in himself that he will make it big.
His fighting spirit sparked the fire to burn within me again.
.


I received a letter from ite stating that it is the last open registration for some courses.
I looked through and thought no way am i goign to ite.
I never went to ite after my o levels because its the last of the worst,theres no way i was going to enter ite.
It will be like backtracking because my o levels qualification is higher than a ite cert.
Then soon after some time,i decided to give it a try anyway since im left with nothing to lose.
The only course i was interested was digital audio and video production because of that one word-digital audio.HAhahaha.

I wanted the class at ite simei but no more vacancy,damn what a kick in the middle region.
It was only available at ang mo kio,and i was resentful as ite amk is one of the worst ite.HAHAHA.Don't listen to the crap about go west,go to ang mo kio thats bull....hahah ok moving on...

And so i interviewed for it and got through.
It was bitter sweet.You can guess why.




TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN>>>....


AND oh one more thing,thanks to all who are reading and have been reading.
Happy now LIjuan?hahah.

DESTROY ERASE IMPROVE

The posts were meant for my own,they were written for me alone.
Like a musician who writes his music for his own passion and if people like thats good and if they don't it doesn't matter.
As i have stated before the post are meant as leverage for myself.
Judging from the feedbacks i have achieved my objectives though not yours,like it was stated before it was meant for me.
All feedbacks are very much appreciated as it shows that theres people reading.


Stay tuned for the saga.Like a good movie it has its beginning then the complications followed by the climate and then the ending,its called the 3 act.
Thats the way i've written.
Its the way you perceive it to be.

IN THE HALLS OF AWAITING

CONTINUED AS PROMISED>>.......

Thanks to Miss stranger for reading my little known blog.

The disappointment set in and i was on the verge of breaking apart again.
I wasn't offered to go in the course i wanted so badly and i wasn't even offered to even go in the sonic arts course in Rp which was my 2nd choice,all the other choices are nothing but fill ins.


I was offered all nothing but design courses in mostly TP.
I was not interested in any of the design courses.
I was devastated.
Depression came back to me,it which was successfully put under control came back.



"Nooooooo,theres still a way"
I pulled myself back up refusing to give up.
I was working for Nicole's cousin's business at the time,they were great people and Dinah and Timothy brought me to Sp to appeal.
I was again devastated when i was told that my chances were very slim.
I broke down again.
Depression came back once again.



Once again the fighting spirit in me refused to back down like that.
With the counsellings of Dinah and Timothy i decided to appeal for Rp's sonic arts.
It was not what i really wanted but at least it was something close.

I applied for the DAE i think or something for Rp.
Then i waited holding on to my withering strength for the result of my application.
That day came.
Went to check online for my results of the application.
Yet again another setback.....
"How many setbacks must i endure?"

"I am already very tired,i had enough of all these."

"I gave my all to gain back control but all these is too much to take."

I broke down and cried and Dinah comforted me.
For the next few days i was broken,lifeless.

Then i decided ok thats it im giving whatever i have left now to try what i don't want but at least the prospect of it is not bad-moving images in Tp.


And so i got myself an interview for the course.
After that i could just wait patiently for the result.


That day came.
I didn't get in.
That was it.


"i hide from truth
living in denial
caught in a dream
afraid of waking
see through tears
uncried and forgotten
someone save me....
save me from my fate"





"the higher i climb
the deeper i fall
a downward spiral
to my destruction
my own mind
is my prison
is this the way...
the way it has to end....?"





"from now on there's an abscence of smile,of hope
foul voices welcome me to loneliness
now lonely is my road,path paved with bitter thoughts
conception of beauty excluded from this heart
within closed doors no one speaks,behind barred windows no soul lives
as i walk the soil beneath my feet is crumbling..."


"Now the light has faded away
night condensing around me,leading astray
left but anguish and shame to haunt me in the shades
so be it,perdition is my home
since the day it all came down"

"Sunless is the path i roam,bitter is the air i breathe
fell is the icy blast,coming from the hills
blowing through my ailing heart,wailing in the emptiness inside"

"Vanished is the light i had,hidden deep in rimy soil
all hope is long since gone
merciless the grasp of despair"

"would you come and share
my cross,my pain,my heartbroken nature
for this burden is too heavy tobear
too troublesome for one man to handle
since my darkness swallowed
the last gleam of light
i've been rambling in the shadows
hour after hour in the dark
they who never got sorrow
grinding grief in their hearts
never lost a thing
never had a thing
now these bitter tears run ceaseless
and drown my hope far too deep
i've been clothed in mourning
wearing sorrow day and night"


"these are my waking hours
in cold sunlight i pine away
towards yet another morning
till following hopeless day"


"wretched is my lot here,mirthless my fate
alone to face the cruel winters,endure the dreary cold
what is there to hope for,what is there to seek
whose sins am i atoning for?
whose lapses am i forced to undo?



TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>

The bitter end?

What im going to type in the next few posts is going to be even more depressive than what i've ever done so far so be prepared.
Why am i putting so much emphasis on the pain?
I am creating leverage for myself,i need more leverage to push myself forth.
At times i submit myself to feeling disempowerment.
I have lots of fire burning but it gets smaller at times.
Lately i've have been feeling really down,the goal i set for myself seem more difficult the more i learnt about business etc.
Disempowering thoughts and questions were pulling me down.
So i need to associate as much pain as i can to the experience to break up my pattern to change everything,to turn things around.
By making it more painful ,painful to the point that i tell myself ok i must change or i rather be dead.
To then think and bring in the pleasures that will follow after changing the pain.




I will be sharing with you peeps soon on what technique im using to create that leverage to get out of pain and into pleasure.
There is going to be more posts on self improvements etc to come.
I will share whatever i can which i learnt to you peeps.
To learn from experience is good but if your can learn from someone's else experience thats better.
I couldn't be who i am now and to be if i didn't give myself that chance.
So to whoever who are reading ,if you have any areas in your life that you want to change please give yourself the chance.
Come to me if you want i will see how i can help you,i m more than willing to help.
I know i can't force you with all this information ,knowledge etc you will come when you are ready for it.



The saga of pain begins next>>.........IN THE HALLS OF AWAITING

One last thing,miss stranger pls do tag me if you can,it will be appreciated.haha.

Forging forth

After the long suffering in NS i took the first step towards my goal,i went to register
at bmc tampines to retake my o levels.
Then on i worked n studied the hardest i could.
The teachers knew i was hardworking and they acknowledged my ability to learn.
I was in the top few in my class.
I studied everyday at home.
I didn't have the intention to make friends in class at first,all i wanted to do was focus on my studies and head back home after school to study.
I read about mind power etc from the net and i was gaining control,confidence,esteem etc.
I was in a great shape.


Then along came 2 new classmates,they were girls.
They were friendly and i became their friend.
They told me i m cute,i was so flattered and in cloud 9.
That was the first time a girl said that to me.
It was unbelievable to me,that feeling was new to me something i could never have imagined.
I felt really good about myself.


Then along came more friends.
We headed out to tampines mall everyday after school like it was our second home.
Ate at long john silver almost everyday as the girls loved to eat at long john silver.
Slowy i got influenced by them and studied lesser.
But i still studied hard just not as hard.


Then came the real deal-the o levels.
I was confident and the papers were easy.
I was so sure that i could get less than 12 points and get into singapore poly without any trouble at all.





The day of reckoning came and it was in the mail.
The moment of opening it up was difficult.
But i was still sure i will get what i wanted.
Got it opened and read.
Heart dropped to the bottom.
I scored so badly,i couldn't believe it.
I failed my maths too.
I was lost.
I thought it was a mistake.
Infact i was so certain it was a mistake on their part or an error in their system.
My friends called me and i called them.
They too couldn't believe the score i was getting.
Told them that it must be a mistake so wait for the news at night to report about it.
I was deluding myself.


Night came.
The news aired and still there was nothing,no sign of a mistake or error in their system.
I started to lose hope.
Then i deluded myself again.
"theres still tomorrow isn't there?"
And so i held onto my delusion.


The next day came and another went by.
I finally resigned myself and gave up.



TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>

DRUM xchange singapore

ERIC called me to join drum xchange singapore of www.soft.com.sg.
Drummers gather together to share tips,skills etc.
It was a nice experience,people gathering together for their passion.

Class Assignment

Some pics taken during the video production assignment in the studio.

Finally the clouds cleared

CONTINUED..


IT was yet another day just like the day before in ns.
Bored to death and decaying.
Flipping through the newspaper i saw the silver lining at last.
New course at singapore poly-music technology.
I love music and this was like a calling for me.
I decided to retake my o levels something which i never ever wanted to do,
to study the course.
The fact that it is singapore poly didn't bother me at all,all that i knew was
that i wanted it and i was going to get it no matter what.
Nothing in the world was going to stop me except me.




I never knew that im capable of being so smart or have good memory until one day.
I was thinking of taking my driving license so i went to register with my ns friend and i read the theory book.
I had doubt of myself,i told him that i have poor memory.
He say no worries just keeping reading through over and over again im sure it will be in your head even if you dont want it to be,you will know it like the back of your hand.
I did so and i passed the theory test like nothing.
It was the start of me believing in myself.


MORE TO COME>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED

Skin After Skin

CONTINUED


Lesson :

Depression is one of the most horrible thing someone can go through,i've been there done that i know.
Its tough really tough,it is very draining,drains one of whatever life he or she has left.
It is like a disease it keeps spreading throughout you,slowly taking over your life from the shadows it came from.
When it comes you cannot hide from it,infact sometimes you welcome it with open arms.
Negativity hits you from all sides,like walls closing in on you and you will feel suffocated.
The pain becomes too overwhelming that you rather die.
You wonder wheres the silver lining in the cloud or the light at the end of the tunnel that people often speak of.
You start to think everything is a lie.All you ever experienced was a lie,nothing means anything anymore.
Your heart dies leaving you nothing but an empty shell,dead heart in a dead world.


You go crazy because many things are racing through your already chaotic mind.
In truth it might seem that we are thinking of many things at once but actually its our thoughts queuing up one after another like a queue because the human brain does not think of many things at once it only can process a thing at a time.
So thats why it is valuable to learn the skill of positive thinking,because our thoughts are queued up for processing we can insert positive thoughts to cut to the first in queue to push back negative thoughts to the back.
In doing so you will be empowering yourself.
Like when i was on the edge of no return,i inserted other thoughts to quickly push back all the negativity.


Some might ask but isn't that a bad idea too as you will be pushing back the negativity to the back of the queue doesn't that means that one day it will still come back and its square one again?
Yes,it comes back but by pushing the negativity to the back it gives you time in your clear state of mind to cut off and eliminate totally all the negativity thats left at the back of the queue.




More to be continued as usual....well well well i wonder how many people actually reads my blog...hmmmmm