Struggles of an introvert(part 1)

Struggles of an introvert.


I have been thinking of this area of introversion and extroversion.
Because now my job requires me to be out there reaching out to youths especially to those youths who are at risk. So it means i have to be more like an extrovert which is the most challenging thing to me like ever. The deal with me is that not only am i an introvert but i'm also a shy person on top of that. So with such combination it scores the home run for social awkwardness.

Just last sunday i went for a birthday celebration for a pastor of the children church. I went there and when i saw people my first natural desire and instinct is to be alone. I wanted to be as far away from groups as much as i can as it's awkward for me. Well i do know a few familiar faces among them but i'm just not that comfortable to be around them. Anti-social it might seem but i just like to be alone. Don't get me wrong i do enjoy people and i like to be in big groups and parties but i get drain after a long period of time and it's time out for me buddy.

Then came a friend. Well she is just the opposite end of me and i mean extreme extroverted. She is like the duracell bunny in commercials that is hyper and never seem to be "dying any time soon". She just came over and said what she says when ever i'm not socializing with others "What are you doing here alone? Don't be so anti-social and talk to others". Well it just always makes me feel really lousy and bad like there's something like seriously wrong with me.

Growing up i was never the "life of the party" or the "woooohooooooo" exploding with limitless energy person. I guess who am i now is the combination of both nature and nurture. I have an elder brother and my mom had to work hard to support us as our father, well our father he is a "father of many nations" and he was no longer a father to us. My mom had to work so me and my bro are left at my grandma's place to be taken care of. My brother and i well we shared a love, hate relationship. We played and fought hard. My mom would come back at night to our grandma's place to visit us and then back home. So that's how my relationship with my mom is like. We are not close because of that.

School life was great, was really fun. I don't really had many friends as i keep to few close friends and i like it that way. Then things happened like friends changing schools and then change of class because of the different subjects like arts and geography etc. Soon i found myself with lesser close friends and as i was growing up i was always thinking about life and the world and i grew angry and bitter. Depression then became part of me and i struggled with it. I became more withdrawn and hence "anti-social".

Yeah so that's for the nurture part and my nature is introverted.

I'm always struggling with this as i feel and think that i'm really messed up and wrong. But i came to realize and know that i shouldn't be.

I learned the difference between and extrovert and an introvert.

Introvert-Draws energy from being alone. To think, to reflect, to imagine, to dream.
Extrovert-Draws energy from being with people. They need to have people around.

I found this and it really helps me.

Introvert? No Apology Required
Adam McHugh
Author, Pastor

Why did you decide to write a resource for introverts?

It started as a personal quest. I knew that I was (1) Called to be a leader in the church. I had gifts of teaching and pastoring and I relished opportunities to help people listen to the voice of God in their lives. But it was also clear that (2) I was an introvert. While I enjoyed people and the various aspects of church leadership, I found them draining and I longed for times of solitude, study, and quiet reflection. I experienced a lot of tension between these two realities, especially in an active, gregarious evangelical environment, and the research I did was a way of trying to make sense of my call in light of my introverted temperament and vice versa.

But then I started talking with other introverts about my experiences, and I realized how prevalent, and even sometimes how crippling, the struggles are for introverts in the church. I even talked with a number of introverts who have left their churches - or even church in general - because of this issue. So what began as a study of introverts in Christian leadership expanded into an exploration of central aspects of the Christian life, like community, spirituality, evangelism, and worship, from an introverted perspective. My deep hope is that the book will help introverts to find peace in their God-given personality preferences and to discover their places in their Christian communities, which so badly need their gifts and strengths.



What are the qualities of an introvert that may be overlooked?

Put bluntly, I think most qualities of an introvert are prone to be overlooked! In our extroverted society, we value aggressive, action-oriented, gregarious people, and I think this extroverted bias has bled over into some of our churches, where often the "ideals" of faithfulness are strikingly extroverted. We praise people who are social and expressive, eager to participate in a wide variety of activities, have an overt enthusiasm, share their faith with strangers easily, assume leadership positions quickly. But introverts do not usually fit this profile, and our lives of faith may be a little slower, a little quieter, a little more solitary. We are often calm, thoughtful, reflective types who may be invisible to others if they are not looking or listening.

Yet I think that introverts have tremendous gifts to bring to others. In the book I start with our listening abilities. Because introverts process internally, we can offer people a non-judgmental presence that helps others open up to us. There is also something about being intimately connected to our inner worlds that produces a great deal of creativity. Many introverts are gifted writers, artists, musicians, and even actors. I also think that having a rich inner life lends itself towards a deep compassion for others, something I have seen in many introverted pastors and chaplains I have worked with. Further, we are capable of an insight that is borne of self-awareness and listening, a peacefulness that spreads to others, and a servant mindset which is often expressed in behind-the-scenes service.



Can introverts be in church leadership?

Absolutely. The reality is that introverts are in church leadership—I've seen studies that estimate anywhere from 25 to 40 percent of Protestant pastors are introverted, with an even higher percentage among Catholic priests. Interestingly, it seems that the larger churches are, the higher is the percentage of introverts leading them. A recent survey reports that 45% of megachurches are led by introverted pastors. Erwin McManus, Dan Kimball, and Mark Driscoll, among many others, are self-confessed introverts.

Perhaps the better question then is how introverts can lead in a way that is life-giving and natural. I think self-care is absolutely critical for introverted pastors and leaders, because my experience is that introverts in ministry are more prone to burnout than extroverts. We need to discover and embrace our rhythms of expending and restoring energy and to care for ourselves—souls, minds, bodies and intimate relationships—so that we can find joy and vitality in ministry and life.



How has being an introvert helped your ministry?

That's a question I haven't been asked much! Too often we define introversion by what's it's not, rather than what it is. I would really like to start defining it by its assets, not its liabilities. I have worked in a number of different ministry settings—in the church, in college campus ministry, and in hospital and hospice chaplaincy—and being an introvert has helped me in all of those roles. My listening abilities as an introvert are probably the greatest gift that I have to offer people. In our culture people so rarely have the experience of being truly listened to- having their words, feelings, and experiences taken seriously. I have developed the skill of listening to what's unsaid - the doubts, questions, and feelings that lie underneath what someone is saying. It's amazing how transformative it can be for a person to simply be listened to, even when no problems are solved or no advice is dispensed.

Some people are surprised when I tell them that my introversion has also aided me in preaching and teaching. My natural bent toward study, thoughtful reflection and writing—all things that come to introverts pretty easily—have all helped me develop as a preacher. I love going deep into the nuances and applications of the biblical text, and I also think that my tendency to observe helps me to speak into the life of the community and the culture. Even though I enjoy writing sermons more than I do preaching, I am very comfortable in the pulpit, as long as I have had ample time to prepare. The fellowship hour after the service is another story though!




Anyway i did some research on introvert and did the meyer test thing and right below is the result meant as reference for me.


Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt
Profile: INFJ
Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 8 Aug 2010

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:
Introverted iNtuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.
Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.
Introverted Thinking

The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.
Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.
Famous INFJs:

Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet

U.S. Presidents:
Martin Van Buren
James Earl "Jimmy" Carter

Nathaniel Hawthorne
Fanny Crosby, (blind) hymnist
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassador
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
James Reston, newspaper reporter
Shirley MacLaine (Sweet Charity, ...)
Piers Anthony, author ("Xanth" series)
Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)
Tom Selleck
John Katz, critic, author
Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)
U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)
Billy Crystal
Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury)
Nelson Mandela
Mel Gibson
Carrie Fisher
Nicole Kidman
Jerry Seinfeld
Jamie Foxx
Sela Ward
Mark Harmon
Gary Dourdan
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly
Tori May
Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Copyright © 1996-2011 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt