ET-Evangelism Today

Career test

2010-04-01T02:50:00.001-07:00

I did a career test and this what i got.i think its true to me now.

INFJ: "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1% of the total population. These are serious students and workers who really want to contribute. They are private and easily hurt. They make good spouses, but tend to be physically reserved. People often think they are psychic. They make good therapists, general practitioners, ministers, and so on.

Rid of it

2010-03-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

This is my past i was practicing a bit of witchcraft which not many people know of.
Anyway all this will be for recycling.

God never let me down

2010-03-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

First i will tell my story and at the end of it i will sum up with what i learned.

I booked my ippt for this morning.When i woke up i was think ahhh ya sian hmm think i shouldn't go n stay at home then book the ippt for next sat again.So then i walked my dog and when i came back home i saw lightning so i thought hmmm its going to rain i think i should stay at home since the run for ippt will be canceled when it rains.

I sat down n thought should i go should i not,if i go n it rains then it will be a wasted trip.Don't think so much Elias just go.I got ready and left for the ippt.
I got full points for sit ups then i moved on to standing board jump.I jumped and i failed and immediately i thought ahhh what the buck just go home n take again but then something came to my thoughts.No Elias don't just leave yet even though u failed just do the other stations first.Ok and so i went.I passed all and went back to the standing board jump and i was able to take the station again.Thank God for that!I jumped and passed it wooooooooooooohooo hahahahah.

Ok then came the most hated station-2.4km run.............it was still raining but they didn't cancel the run .Thank God again!
I ran the first round and already negativity n fatigue start to impact through my body n mind,my entire system was slowly weakening.I prayed to God and sang to Him and focused my thoughts on Him.Throughout the entire run i was struggling with wanting to give up and i focus on God again and i pulled through the run and i have not even train what so ever for anything.

What i learned is that i have a lot of fear,doubts and negative thoughts in me so much that its a habit for me.I learned that when i have those kind of thoughts then i should stop thinking and ask God for guidance and act.If i didn't do that i would have been at home and not there for the ippt.We shouldn't let the situation control us we should pray to God and then take control of the situation.The situation right from the morning was that it was going to rain and the run would be canceled and if i just let it be i won't have passed in fact get silver.Then during the run it was a struggle with the mind and body.But when i focused on God and Him alone i actually was able to pull through.My mind n body was giving up then i aligned my spirit with God and my mind and body followed .We must remember that though we are in this world as flesh but we r more than that we r spirit beings and if we keep thinking im just flesh what can i do then u will fail but when u believe n know that u r a spirit being u will be able to overcome all odds with God.Just like in the case of Peter ,Jesus called out to him and he walked on water towards Him but the moment his focus was not on Jesus he sank to the waters.We have to keep our minds focused on God and remember that we should be not self centered but spirit centered.

All wont be possible if not for God all glory to Him!

Temptations

2010-03-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, a rich man put an advertisement for a chauffer
to drive his car. Three men responded and came for interview. Each
of them was asked exactly the same question by the rich man: “How
close can you drive to the edge of a cliff?”
The first man interviewed said, “I can drive so well that I can
drive the car one foot away from the edge of the cliff.”
The second man, not to be outdone, said, “My driving skill is so
good that I can drive just one inch away from the edge of the cliff.”
But when the third man was asked this, he replied, “I will drive
as far away from the edge of the cliff as possible!” Well I think you
can guess who got the job – the third man.
The lesson to learn from this is that if we understand the issues at
stake, we would not ask how far we can go in seeking pleasure in
questionable forms, nor would we be always asking people to define
for us the furthest possible limit in the kind of music we are allowed
to hear, the kind of clothes we can wear, the kind of places we can
visit, the kind of shows that we can watch, or the kind of functions
we can attend without crossing the threshold. If we understand the
danger that comes from associating oneself with sinful lifestyles and
the folly of loving the world and the things that are in the world, if
we treasure our relationship with God and do not want to
compromise our love for Him, then we should be asking instead,
“How far can I safely keep myself away from these things?” And
whenever we feel even the slightest doubt that God would approve of
the pleasure in question, we should be willing to give it up.

The beginning of a new chapter

2010-03-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

Now is time for a change starting from my blog :) Cheers God bless

i cant break it to my heart

2010-02-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

If it's ok
I'll leave the bed light on
And place your water glass where it belongs
And if it's alright
I'll lie awake at night
Pretending I am curled up at your side

See i'm circling in these patterns
Living out of memories
I'm still a long way from accepting it
That there's just no you and me

But if I still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So I tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'Cause I can't break it to my heart

Is it just me
Did I commit a crime
I won't believe that loving you
Is just a waste of time
Or was it in my head
I'm reading into things you never said

'Cause I still don't have the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that I did
So I can turn it back around

And nothing will come between us
I wanna convince myself we're perfect in every single way
As long as I can keep the truth away
From my heart
Or 'cause I can't break it to my heart

'Cause I still don't have the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that I did
So I can turn it back around

*delta goodrem

Avalanche

2010-02-13T05:38:00.000-08:00

* Avalanche Lyrics
* by David Cook
* David Cook

I feel alive beside you
And all at once I am whole again
We fall into each other
Your atmosphere is all I'm breathing in
And in this rush, we are crushed

Carry me down
Rolling in your arms
'cause I can't remember ever falling this hard
Tell me tonight
All that we have been
Was it nothing more than noise inside my head
Crashing down, crashing down
In your avalanche, in your avalanche

These scars we wear remind us
The more we change, the more we're all the same
Swept up in this emotion
We fumble through and make the same mistakes
As we are led to the edge

Carry me down
Rolling in your arms
'cause I can't remember ever falling this hard
Tell me tonight
All that we have been
Was it nothing more than noise inside my head
Crashing down, crashing down
In your avalanche
Crashing down, crashing down

Carry me down
Rolling in your arms
'cause I can't remember ever falling this hard
Tell me tonight
All that we have been
Was it nothing more than noise inside my head

Carry me down
Rolling in your arms
'cause I can't remember ever falling this hard
Tell me tonight
All that we have been
Was it nothing more than noise inside our heads
Crashing down, crashing down
Was it nothing more than noise inside our heads
Crashing down, crashing down

Just an outlet

2009-12-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

Its only a little step,one small slip
and you won't even notice
its a traffic,comes and goes
everything goes on,carries on
without you

it all began with good intend
but the truth cant be undone
somewhere along the way got caught up
in all that there is to offer

this blinds i cant remove
comes undone,it becomes clear again
why does something so beautiful turn
into something so wrong

i believe i cant believe anymore
when its all said n done
how foolish could i be,time reveals always

Dedication

2009-08-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

But I SURVIVED...
To stubborn to succumb to the drippin jaws of the DOMINANT PARADIGM...

I speak out of turn
I taugh myself everything that I ever needed to learn,which is:I don't have to be anything.. BUT ME
Napalm bright,celebrating the burn..

See,I'm supposed to be weak and depleted,my uniqueness,erased and deleted
I'm supposed to be a fist and a bruise,nothing left inside and nothing left to lose

They want me to be a breeder
Not a thinker
Not a leader
A sermonless disciple to a desperate,demented preacher
NO VOICE!NO CHOICE!

...but I WILL FAIL THEM!!
I have no need for their acceptance,their limits,their lies
I learned to hate from YOU!
I am your most BELOVED.. BLASPHEMOUS.. CHILD..."

VIDEOS

2009-05-23T18:39:00.000-07:00

Here are some videos on why im so against "money"

DO watch the rest of the videos in the series as well.

The blister exists

2009-05-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

Money is power,power is money.
Money makes the world go around.
Money determines how happy you are going to be.

BUT

what if you will to die right now?Would all the money in the world still matter?
Yes we need money for survival but its seems that people seem to be blinded to the bigger picture of it all.Money is not what we need to survive,it is rather created to control us to keep us chasing our tails endlessly till we die.It became that we need money for survival because we chosen it to be that way and it will always be because we are not ready for change.

Teach a man to fish and he can feed himself for a life time,give him a fish and it will only last him that much.OR rather teach him to fish so he can continue to fish for his own survival ignoring whatever else you do.Teach him to fish while you hunt for bigger meatier animals.Teach him to fish to give him the illusion that he have power and control over his life but in fact you have taught him to be span around in his own web while you work on bigger things behind his back to keep him out of your business.

Thats what is happening to us all.Do u know that,do u feel that,sense that?
Ofcoz you don't thats we will always be where we are.We think that we are progressing but truth of the matter is that we are going backwards.Failure to realise that is success to the very people in power.

FUCK IT ALL,FUCK THIS WORLD,FUCK EVERYTHING

2009-04-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

THese lyrics from slipknot expresses what i feel.

Come on down
and see the idiot right here
too fucked up and I am not afraid to care

I feel like I'm wounded
and I got a fucking gun against my head
you live when I'm dead

so you feel it, kick it, see it, feel it, eat it, beat it out
so I can spit in his face
I wanna leave without a trace
get out, I don't want to die in this place

It never stops
you can't blame everything on everyone
I got changed and I'm sittin on the side of satan
what do you want from me?
You never told me what I was meant to be
now over to it, don't tell me to feel it
stop your bitchin'
and fight your way through it
I'm not like you
I just fuck up

People=shit
(what you gonna do)
(I'm not afraid of you)
(I'm everything, I'm not a pain)

You're dead to my eye !!

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think I'm gonna be sick and it's your fault
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING
I haven't slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING

Fuck it all! Fuck this world!
Fuck everything that you stand for!
Don't belong! Don't exist!
Don't give a shit!
Don't ever judge me!

Everybody's so infatuated
Everybody's so completely sure of what we are
Everybody defamates from miles away
But face to face, they haven't got a thing to say
I bleed for this and I bleed for you
Still you look in my face like I'm sombody new
TOY - Nobody wants anything I've got
Which if fine becuase you're made of
Everything - I'm - NOT!
All the money in the world can't buy me.
GO AHEAD. LIE TO ME.
Tell me again how you're tortured
I wanna know how you followed your orders so well
You're full of SHIT
You had a dream but this ain't it.

All the money in the world can't buy me.
GO AHEAD. LIE TO ME.
Tell me again how you're tortured
I wanna know how you followed your orders so well
You're full of SHIT
You had a dream but this ain't it.

Noises, noises, people make noises
people make noises when they're sick
Nothing to do except hold on to NOTHING

How does it feel to be locked inside another dream
That never had a chance of being realized?
What the fuck are you lookin' at?
I'll tell you what you're lookin' at
Everyone you ever fuckin' laughed at

Look in my eyes for the answers - typical
I can feel it underneath like a miracle
Everybody in the world needs more than
Lies and consequences to poser them
Once again, it's me and no one else
I can't remember if there was a someone else
It's not mine, it's not fair, it's outta my hands
And it's shaking - you'll never take me

(HATE) Hate ain't enough to describe me
(SCREAM) Somewhere between screaming and crying
I'm not supposed to be here
I'm not supoosed to be

(WHY) When do I get to know why?
(BITTER) Bitter as the stink of when I try

Insane - Am I the only muthafucker with a brain?
I'm hearing voices but all they do is complain
How many times have you wanted to kill
Everything and everyone - Say you'll do it but never will

It's all in your head
It's all in my head
It's all in your head

I tried - You lied to me for so long
Everywhere I go, there's a sense of it
Freak on my antics and give me a choice
Doesn't matter if I give a shit
It's shit that you gave me

The whole world is my enemy - and I'm a walking target
Two times the devil with all the significance
Dragged and raped for the love of a mob
I can't stay - because I can't be stopped
Eat motherfuckers alive who cross us
I know you're all tired of the same ol' bosses
Let me tell you how it's gonna be
I'm gonna kill anyone who steps up in front of me

Welcome to the same ol' fucking scam
Same ol' shit in a dead fad

My life was always shit
And I don't think I need this anymore

Now I'm not pretty and I'm not cool
But I'm fat and I'm ugly and proud - so fuck you
Standing out is the new pretension
Sreamline the (sic)ness, half-assed aggression
You gotta see it to believe it, we all got conned
All the mediocre sacred cows we spawne
Put your trust in the mission

Everything sucks and I can prove it
Everybody dies, shuffle on, remove it
Idividuals, indispensable
I'm the paradox deity vessel
...the other side holds no secret
But this side is done, I don't need it
Before you go, you should know you're breaking down
You'll be rotten by the time you're underground

As I close my eyes I feel it all slipping away
(I come toward you)
We all got left behind, we let it all slip away

Section off myself
Put a wall up/What the hell have I done
Keep the dog at bay
Survive by saving me!
Values and the game
Not a fuck-up - Not a part of your lie
I am one, I am all - I'm above and beyond!

Back off of the shit
Stand off or I'll spit
So soft, you forget
Your garbage in is garbage out
You don't give a shit
I won't play the fit
Get off, get on this
Your garbage in is garbage out

Section off myself
Put a wall up/What the hell have I done
Keep the dog at bay
Survive by saving me!
Values and the game
Not a fuck-up - Not a part of your lie
I am one, I am all - I'm above and beyond!

Back off of the shit
Stand off or I'll spit
So soft, you forget
Your garbage in is garbage out
You don't give a shit
I won't play the fit
Get off, get on this
Your garbage in is garbage out

Giving in to what has got me
Feeling claustrophobic, scarred
Severed me from all emotion
Life is just too fucking hard
Snap! Your face was all it took
Cuz this need ain't doin' me no good
Fall on my face, but can't you see?
This fucking life is killing me!

I'm in conniptions for the final act you came here for
The one derivative you manage is the one I abhor
I need a minute to elaborate for everyone the
Everyday bullshit things that you have done

Your impossible ego fuck is like a
Megalomaniacal tab on my tongue
You fuckin' touch me I will rip you apart
I'll reach in and take a bite out of that
Shit you call a heart...

Kill you - fuck you - i will never be you
Kill you - fuck you - i will never be you
I can't fuckin' take it anymore
A snap of the synapse
And now it's fuckin' war
Kill you - fuck you - i will never be you

Everywhere you look, it's like they know
Their fingerprints are hidden by CONTROL
This is where the line is drawn, see
YOU CAN'T TAKE MY SOUL AWAY FROM ME

What do you need to see? Ya feel the impact?
Gotta retract - everybody get back
What is this? It's like a big conspiracy
Fields of dejected morbid progeny
They always say that it's always our fault
But everything we say is taken with a grain of salt
Man, it's always the same, if we talk or complain
We only wanna upset the balance
How's it feel to be the New Abortioin?
The only generation to suffer extortion

What do you need to see? Ya feel the impact?
Gotta retract - everybody get back
What is this? It's like a big conspiracy
Fields of dejected morbid progeny
They always say that it's always our fault
But everything we say is taken with a grain of salt
Man, it's always the same, if we talk or complain
We only wanna upset the balance
How's it feel to be the New Abortioin?
The only generation to suffer extortion

I wont, be the inconsequential
I wont, be the wasted potential
I can make it, as severe as I can
Until you realize
Ill never take a chance
It isnt, just one side aversion
Weve dealt, with a manies diversion
And I wont, let the truth be perverted
I wont let another victim deserted

I don't wanna do this anymore
Everything's shit - everything's been taken
Forsaken - gotta start it over cuz I'm hearing it
Backwards - DON'T make sense - DON'T feel better
Who's better? It's not that simple
You gotta figure it out before you make things difficult
It's not a word, it's a problem, the problem was easy
Draw your conclusions - solutions?
Anybody else wanna run?
Contorting, distorting - I am undone
One less propaganda nightmare fixture
Are you getting the picture?

Business as usual

2009-04-04T05:49:00.000-07:00

Power corrupts,absolute power corrupts absolutely everything.

Knowing the origin of money and what it represents means that man are somehow doom to corruption.

A once passionate man is no longer so and driven only by profits and joined the ranks of the march of the pigs.He might be all loving and passionate last time but clearly he has succumbed to the temptation of his own ugly side.

Im not being myself and i know i won't be staying around for long.see how it goes.Im a person who likes to say it as it is when i can and i hate to hide things and to tell white lies in the name of profits.
Self righteous maybe but this is my stand.
Im not sales man quality and never will be and i will never allow myself to be so as i will lose the only thing i have in the world for the rest of my life and that is myself.

Truly the business world is infested with such disease and parasites that is sad.
"Reality" is as such,and everyone is accepting it.

Money the solution?

2009-03-18T03:50:00.000-07:00

I heard of this teaching.There are 2 kinds of problems.
1)Problems money can solve
2)Problems money cannot solve.

He goes on to mention that if you have money what are the problems that can be solved?
If money cannot cannot solve it then no point bothering over it anyway as it only drains you.
Well it is true what he said but theres one point most people don't see including him.
Money-well money is the problem.A monetary system such as what we have now is the problem to our continued evolution on earth.Because money is simply debt and so everyone,thats right that goes the same for me,we are all in debt.

To understand what the bush im talking about regarding the monetary system and about money pls watch the zeitgeist video,part 1 and 2.

Venom and fire

2009-03-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Before you carry on reading,be warned that the language used is explicit.Things are better expressed using those words.Im no longer going to pretend like the " nice guy" people used to see me to be.If you are offended in any ways,im not apologising for it.All i can say is Don't judge but be curious.

We are in the rat race,majority of us go through the stupid education system to breed us to be a better slave to serve the higher powers.We come out from school to work for a living,truth is who are we really working for?All our efforts are nothing but means to provide entertainment to those bastards.We are nothing but tools to them,a brick in the wall to support them and their lifestyles.Is it all worth dying for?then its time for all of us to fucking wake the fuck up.We are brought up thinking that things are going fine as long as we go through the education system,go out to work and upgrade yourself to get better pay,have a happy family and live happily ever after.Nothing is more further than the truth.
We keep trying to climb the corporate ladder and we step on others in order to get there.Its a dog eat dog world,survival of the fittest,eat or be eaten,blah blah blah.Familiar?Thats what i call a sick sick society thanks to the very systems we are brought up in.All thanks to the systems based on monetary.We became such selfish sons of bitches that we go around gossiping,spreading rumors and backstabbing each other blah blah blah.We then bury ourselves in all these senseless materialism.
Then you know what,we go to church and pray for forgiveness then we go back to our daily routine of killing each other.What the fuck is up with such shit?Who are you trying to kid,what are you proving?
What You religious fanatics doing are nothing but bringing shame to your various religions and separating each other.Till we wake up to realise just how fucked up our mindsets are the better the world will be.
The world won't be better from us praying.Nothing will change if we don't make the change ourselves."GOD" will never come down to save us,you know why?Because we are not even saving ourselves.All we ever did since the dawn of our existence is killing each other and polluting the earth with our very corrupted existence and now everything is coming back to us ten fold.
Stop all the the bullshit of senseless thoughts of racial pride and my "GOD" is the real deal your "GOD" is fake thing.
What we need is to come together as one and work collectively to achieve greater heights and poverty will be solved,etc.

CALL TO ARMS

2009-03-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

With lyrics from nasum

Attempting to win
it's a race without a finish line
they're all relay runners
and you're left behind

tell me where these shadows came from
what clouded our reality?
was it too easy.or was it just the pain?
was it all enough for you to bring us to the end?

qualified to measure my own misery
i cannot believe there is nothing left for me
tell me why i even bother,tell me why i sit and cry
you said every word so clear yet i sit here wonder why

Dying fetus

2009-03-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

Lyrics from the band dying fetus about our society and the government.

Mass media sublimation,tearing our defenses down
feeding us shit as we beg for more
one's not enough we need ten more,consume,digest,destroy,discard.

looking on in disbelief as our resources burn
this is our legacy ,a crime against humanity
to feed our lives everything must die

from the moment we are born,until our days are dying
we're violated,crucified,and burned upon the corporate cross
a disposable economy,built on waste and tragedy.
we eat the fast food of indifference,and suffocate as one.

Coerced by our campaign,it demands our surrender
we're dying slowly,for the pleasure of this machine.
just cover up as these bastards gag on their riches.

Who does the earth belong to?the human termites spreading lies
the people have to make a decision but they're too busy dying to try and realize
who controls their future the money flows above their heads
all around we have the chance to change the world,believe in us
bred to buy,not to think,tell more lies,make them weak
just like rats they will multiply,and run with the pack without ever seeing

WAKE UP!!!

2009-03-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Now the balance is set.we're changing foot from left to right
eager and with false hope we gave them our trust.
speech on speech,lies on top of lies.empty promises.
the guys r having such a blast...
but nothing's changed,it is just a different set of lies
millions of humans lives to sacrifice
they were born to die now they r dead at last
a profit made from death
thses huge organisations harvest lives.
the multinational
the unstoppable,unscrupulous,dead
born n raised by your rules,still i disappointed u
but i've always done my best and it's never
good enough for u
today we die,today we testify
all we do must come to an end
this is the end
your senseless thoughts of racial pride
in the world where we live,we;re nothing but pawns
a tool of their trade,a brick in the wall
nothing but pawns
we r nothing-only tools
disposable and easy to get
we got fucked we r such fools
we saw the hook n swallowed the bait.
they fool us,seduce us,buy us,use us,defuse us,smash us,kill us,trash us
they dont give a shit as long profits r high
they dont give a shit if people die
we r just destroying ourselves,all this makes us fucking blind
or r we too scared to see?
jews killing muslims,and christians killing jews
the circle is unending and all sides always lose
the world is false constructed just to satisfy their needs
if we keep obeying we r like lambs to the slaughter for the feast
there was a time when the weak would suffer,the ones in power
would crush all who dissent just look around
nothing's changed
no longer kings.they wear a suit n tie
those who survive,have no conviction just follow trends
until they're "born again"

Zeitgeist

2009-03-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Watch this movie>http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-594683847743189197

Watch it for yourself and think n judge.You have a mind of your own so now its time to think and not be led like they want you to be.

Some of these things mentioned in the movie are things which i already knew about in the past so its a great refresher as i m just a human and i got caught up in "life" and forgot about it.

All these years the things which i know about and still learning continues to amaze me and enlighten me of why we are truly here for.
It fires me up again after watching the movie,reminding me again why i don't want to live my life like the rest are doing so.

Is it truly reality or is it what we constantly tell ourselves and thus making it a reality for ourselves.We created it,we made it and we are enslaved by the very thing we create.We are so blinded by our own "life" that we walk this earth polluting it with what we do and seek for "help" from an invisible "GOD".
We are given everything we ever needed yet we have been blinded by the "powers" controlling us to not use n learn what we have-Ourselves.

SO many people ask the question.
What is the meaning of life?whats the purpose?
The answer is look no further than yourself and you will find the answer to life.

We are trapped in a cage by the "system",constantly being pressed down to never really think for ourselves.
Look at the education system,study hard and work hard to get a good paying job to "live".Question is are you truly "living"?

How many times have u heard this before?
Its very real,you have no choice,you don't always get what you want,thats life,you have to be realistic,money makes the world go around,you want to live u need money,blah blah blah.
Seems all too familiar thats because thats what we keep on telling ourselves and to others.
No wonder so many people are unhappy in this world.Working in a job you don't like to bring bread to the table?You have no choice?Lifes like that?Have to accept that?
Now there is no greater bullshit than that.
We always have a choice!Its because we believe that we don't thats why we are constantly giving "power" to those who controls us.
They succeeded and if we all still choose to be ignorant and not wake up from this messed up world then we will always be slaves of ourselves.

We are living in a world of lies and if you choose to not think critically for yourself then you will always be lied to.
Are we really too blind to see or are we just ignorant and too scared to see?
Why are we fooling ourselves?Who are we fooling?
We are always afraid of things we are not sure of,so we make fun of it and put it down.
I knew we are in a screwed up world but i had no idea on just how screwed up till i watched the movie.
Divide and conquer is what they do and they succeeded.
Seriously if we choose not to "know" then we will always be controlled and led on like lambs.

We are being controlled by what we are working for-money.
Thats just such a sad thing to say.We can never seem to escape from that.

Food for thought

2009-02-20T17:48:00.000-08:00

If you blindly followed your intuitions and inklings,would your life be a lot better than it is today?
Even with all the mistakes you would have made because you misread a feeling or intuitive thought.I think that for most people the answer is yes.
Because no matter how rationale or dispassionate you may strive to be,you can never be 100% accurate anyway.And even if you could,your life would become stale,boring,and unfulfilled.

We live in the present only-but the choice you make in your present absolutely affect your future.

Our focus on just getting through each day in order to pay the bills at the end of the month,prevents us from lifting the veil to discover who we really are-and even more importantly,who we're capable of being.

My decision to leave_ _ is one of my most proudest decision.
I know that my destiny lay in a different path-and that it was now time for me to stick my head above the parapet.

Its takes lots of courage,determination,etc to go through with such a decision but im glad i made it anyway.My only regret is that i didn't listen to myself n left earlier and understand and see things so much more.Well better late than never.

Are you living your life according to your soul's call-or are you wasting precious time trying to live according to what your friends,family,colleagues or society dictates?

We tend to value a sense of control over our lives-and for most of us 'control' equals 'comfort zone'
What would you do in life if your knew that failure simply wasn't a possibility.

Fear makes us hang on to what we've got.
It's as though we're not sure enough of ourselves to believe that there really could be something better out there for us.

The best decisions aren't always the ones that everyone tells you are logical.

Do you want life to be exciting and colourful or "correct" and colourless?

Dusting off your dreams

2009-02-16T21:18:00.000-08:00

From this point forth,are you going to live by fear or by faith?

It is like being a trapeze performer who had to let go of one set of rungs to be in position to grab another.It is all or nothing.

Fear is the best excuse in the world to not pursue your dreams-most people use it quite effectively.

A dream that gets you fired up about possibilities,quickens your pulse,and strikes a little fear in your guts is worth going after.

When you know where your real aspiration lies and you act on it with everything your've got,you gain a deep inner satisfaction that lasts day after day.Indeed ,your dream is the expression of your individual pursuit of happiness.

There are those who never go after a big dream because they believe it must make them money.

Happy and comfortable generally beats rich and miserable.When you do something mainly for the money,you are likely to be disappointed with the results.

Stop associating with strivers

2009-02-13T17:03:00.000-08:00

People who strive can be fun to be with.For a while,anyway.But because they are so single minded,hanging out with strivers will drain your energy,usually.

Why?Well,strivers need lots of encouragement and energy from others to keep up their pace.And their views of success tend to be one-dimensional.

Instead of spending time with folks who are always seeking to succeed ,find people who are happy with themselves and involved in creative endeavors that express their values.

Thomas j.leonard

SO very true about this.

FIRST IN SINGAPORE

2009-02-09T03:58:00.000-08:00

HELL YEAH im the first in singapore to own the roland td-4 electronic drum set.
Gosh im so in love with it.After 1 year of absence of my baby i now finally have a new baby woooohooooo.My 4th baby!!!!!!

Unboxing the drum set was damn satisfying,the quality of the entire set is top notch.
I freaking paid a hell lot for it n its worth every cent of it.It look so awesome n so damn fine and sweet,wooo n the sound is just amazing,amazing,and amazing.What a huge different compared to my previous baby the yamaha dtxpress 3.

Geshhh forgot one thing u guys have no idea what im talking about since its about drums.haha.

I have not being drumming for so damn long already and my skills are rusting.
I will be practicing hard n record videos to post on youtube.WOOOHOOOO.

WIll be posting pics soon.

Onward advancing

2009-02-05T19:01:00.000-08:00

OK so things that i have planned for myself to do n accomplish this year won't be happening.

I actually expected that things might turn out this way,hmm if u read the previous post then i might have actually manifested it because i expected it .

Circumstances are stopping me from doing n moving on with my plans but i know its in my decision not the circumstances which decides my fate.So im finding ways n means to get back on track.Well in life u dont usually get what u want,maybe its as such n maybe its becoz u hear people saying that n it becomes your reality because u expected that.

If u know about the secret etc n read other stuffs n see how your life n others have been then u know what i mean.

All this is very interesting.

I know one thing.Im like a super saiyan(if u know about dragonball z then u know what it is).No matter how hard n many times i fall i will always get back up n stronger than b4 n i will never stop believing.

Become what u believe

2009-02-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

Our thoughts and expectations wield tremendous power and influence in our lives. We don’t always get what we deserve in life, but we usually get no more than we expect; we receive what we believe. Unfortunately, this principle works as strongly in the negative as it does in the positive.
Nick was a big, strong, tough man who worked in the railroad yards for many years. He was one of his company’s best employees, always there on time, a reliable, hard worker who got along well with the other employees. But Nick had one major problem. His attitude was chronically negative. He was known around the railroad yards as the most pessimistic man on the job. He perpetually feared the worst and constantly worried, fretting that something bad might happen.
One summer day, the crews were told that they could go home an hour early in order to celebrate the birthday of one of the foremen. All the workers left, but somehow Nick accidentally locked himself in a refrigerated boxcar that had been brought into the yard for maintenance. The boxcar was empty and not connected to any of the trains.
When Nick realized that he was locked inside the refrigerated boxcar. He panicked. Nick began beating on the doors so hard that his arms and fists become bloody. He screamed and screamed, but his coworkers had already gone home to get ready for the party. Nobody could hear Nick’s desperate calls for help. Again and again he called out, until finally his voice was a raspy whisper.
Aware that he was in a refrigerated boxcar, Nick guessed that the temperature in the unit was well below freezing, maybe as low as five or ten degrees Fahrenheit. Nick feared the worst. He thought, What am I going to do? If I don’t get out of here, I’m going to freeze to death. There’s no way I can stay here all night. The more he thought about his circumstances, the colder he became. With the door shut tightly, and no apparent way of escape, he sat down to await his inevitable death by freezing or suffocation, whichever come first.
To pass the time, he decided to chronicle his demise. He found a pen in his shirt pocket and noticed an old piece of cardboard in the corner of the car. Shivering almost uncontrollably, he scribbled a message to his family. In it Nick noted his dire prospects: “Getting so cold, body numb. If I don’t get out soon, these will probably be my last words.”
And they were.
The next morning, when the crews came to work, they opened the boxcar and found Nick’s body crumpled over in the corner. When the autopsy was completed, it revealed that Nick had indeed frozen to death.
Now, here’s a fascinating enigma: The investigators discovered that the refrigeration unit for the car in which Nick had been trapped was not even on! In fact, it had been out of order for some time and was not functioning at the time of the man’s death! The temperature in the car that night—the night Nick froze to death—was sixty-one degrees. Nick froze to death in slightly less than normal room temperatures because he believed that he was in a freezing boxcar. He expected to die! He was convinced that he didn’t have a chance. He expected the worst! He saw himself as doomed with no way out. He lost the battle in his own mind.
For Nick, the thing he feared and expected to happen come to pass. The old adage “Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy” held true for him. It will usually be true in your life as well. Many people today are similar to Nick. They’re always expecting the worst. They expect defeat. They expect failure. They expect tough process in reaching their dreams. They expect mediocrity. And they usually get what they expect ; they become what they believe.. Expect bad thing = receive bad thing as you believe, Expect good thing and you will receive it! Become what you believe! Tell yourself that something good is gonna happen to you today, and through the day, you should have attitude of expectancy. Expect God’s favor at work, expect supernatural opportunity, expect people to like you, expect to have productive day, expect to live abundant live, expect to raise any higher. His goodness and mercy will follow you..
(Your Best Life Now, by Joel Osteen)

Im a mastermind

2009-02-05T02:43:00.000-08:00

Took a personality test.

Results
Your answers suggest you are a Mastermind

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Planner, Ideas, Heads and Introvert
Summary of Masterminds

* Visionaries who put energy into achieving their goals
* Prefer to work independently and dislike inefficiency
* Think of themselves as logical, thorough, and bright
* Values practicality and common sense above ideas and theories

More about Masterminds

Masterminds create a vision for the future by gathering and organising information. They then develop strategies to achieve their goals. They have a rare gift for looking at almost anything and seeing how it can be improved. These skills and the Masterminds' high standards often allow them to reach leadership positions at work.

Mastermind is the least common personality type in the UK, according to a nationwide survey.

Masterminds value independence and prefer to work on their own. Once they have decided on a course of action, Masterminds rarely change their minds, although they can be persuaded by clear reasoning by someone they respect.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Masterminds may cut themselves off from a group and criticize people who don't understand their plans. Under extreme stress, Masterminds may overindulge in sensory experiences like eating, shopping or watching television.

Masterminds often have an unusual sense of humour, which arises from their ability to spot surprising links between seemingly unconnected facts.
Mastermind Careers

Masterminds are drawn to jobs requiring logical analysis or abstract thinking common in science or technical fields.

Staind

2009-02-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inside but
Have so much that I could feel some
Pride for in my life so why is it that
I feel like this

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence get's us no where
Get's us no where way too fast

All the times that I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I tasted what I could never have
It was from you
All the times that I've cried, my intentions, full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone

But everything that I can say to you
Won't help you - everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it

I know that I am really not here
To represent what I am not clear
About in my head sometimes

If someone else showed you the way
Would you take the wheel and steer?
It hurts me that you're not ashamed
Of what you're doing here
If they jumped off a bridge
Would you meet them on the ground?
Or would you try and claim
That it never made a sound

Everyone plays the hand they're dealt
And learns to walk through life themselves
Not everything in life is handed on a plate
When people think your words are true
It doesn't matter what you do
I sold my soul to get here
How 'bout you?

So you choose to force your hand
What a strange way to make freinds
And you always change the rules
So the drama never ends
And you blindly go through life
Judging only by it's worth

Chains off

2009-01-11T15:48:00.000-08:00

Are you waiting for something
'cause there's a tension in the air
Of something unresolved
I can sense it in your heart
So step down
Look around
You could leave it all behind
Never hear another sound
Say you're holding onto something
We're just wasting time
We're taking up space
I swear it feels like this could die
I can see
To a degree
Say you're holding onto nothing
And it's showing all over your face

Where did you hide yourself
For these searchlights are growing dim
I know this isn't much to recollect
Better now to close this puppet show
And say that it's the end
Could you ready yourself
And hold on for a moment?

made you fall forever
With no end in sight
When everything around is broken
Could you say that this felt right?

You are, for contradiction's sake,
Everything I remember that I swore I'd forget
You life has served you well
But everyone around has perished
From this fire that you've lit

The end is the beginning is the end

2009-01-07T22:06:00.000-08:00

This is the start of a new chapter in my life,it is the end of something and the start of another.
What i gained from the end will be brought forward to my new beginning.
Sacrifices had to be made no doubt but it is worth it.
Even as painful and unwanted as it may be but i had to do it.
It might be very selfish of me to do it but its what i want and theres no turning back.
To xiaoran i didn't mean to leave u behind as i did but i have to or i know i won;t have enough will to carry on my future journey.
It was a necessary evil,do or break thing.
You wont be able to understand now maybe next time u would.
To the rest of my organization who might be reading this.
No need to wonder what happened or what,if u do read this then good.
Im currently embarking on a new chapter,a chapter i was supposed to step into last year but i didn't.It was pushed aside,kept aside and maybe even escaped from but i know i have to face it someway somehow.
And so here im no turning back already now is really no back road left for me.It have to be so ,so that i will give in my all for it.
I'm going to do trading with my cousins and i have plans,big plans ahead to go for.
Nothing is finalized yet have to wait for my cousin to be back and we discuss further of our partnership in it.But whatever it is im still going to do trading.
Its a do or die,make or break.

Trash(korn)

2009-01-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

The pain that I'm just erasing.
I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold?
I dont know why it hurts me.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

Prison of desire

2008-12-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

Beneath the surface
beyond the scars
to live or to die
to hide or to face
mirroring the truth

tearing at the hammered wall
withering in the cold winter storms
came to a stand still
this path must continue
soon it will be time,time for the pain to subside
scars to be formed

Life on the moon

2008-12-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

life on the moon(david cook)-check his new album out

Here in this crowd i'm feeling all alone
Turn me around and point me back to home
I'm getting lost more everyday
And i can't tear myself away
From the stars in my eyes with no light

Here are my terms, have some faith in me
And i'll let you be who you need to be

[chorus:]
Life on the moon couldnt be any stranger
Life on the moon wouldnt feel this far away?
The life that i knew is through
And i'm gonna need you more than ever
I'm alone in this crowded room
Its like life on the moon

Flown off the ground my head's up in the air
Self counscious to a fault with all the pople everywhere
Is getting harder everynight to take the punches left and right
Just to know that you're here by my side

Here are my terms have some faith in me
And i'll let you be who you need to be

Getting lost in my own atmosphere
Stars in the sky are the stars in my eyes
Is the cost of getting out of here alive

at sixes and sevens

2008-12-17T16:20:00.000-08:00

Do angels fly higher in the dark?
do they crash down and fall apart?

black are the tears when i cry

the only hope in this endless night
is to follow you through
but there's something deep inside of me
forcing me to turn away
but the pain was everywhere

it's written in my mind
painted in my heart
temptation nearly tears up my scars

already trying to find
one more way to hide from the burning light

you're the black princess in the garden of grief
eating me piece by piece

Shadows In The Light

2008-02-27T03:29:00.000-08:00

Like a pale ghost i waste away in this foul world
dirge still echoes in these woods
mourning lingers in vales
mirthless is this wandering through hollow days
burdened with sorrow far too deep,a pain impossible to bear
gone are the singing birds,silently sigh only the trees

for nothing have i been by your side
in vain have i wasted this life
all that was fair has been marred now
sleeping in the silent shade
there is a void inside me,hollowed by the years
time had made these scars,burned them in my soul
moulded this ugly figure of anguish and woe
and as light still lingers,painting scarlet this barren scene

on my cheeks,once so live,adorn flood of tears,caused by strife
and as i grieve under the sky,even raven croaks me its despise
in shrouding veil of thickening dusk
in the caress of darkening woods
these winds my path,narrow and fading
now that the light has gone away,all the searching has led astray
these journeys are filled with craving,these moments with loss

The disclosure project

2008-02-21T04:45:00.000-08:00

New discovery.
I shall not say anything for i let the video do the talking.

above is the youtube link,i have a better quality link if u want or u can search at stage6.com

http://www.disclosureproject.org/

What can i say?Im no longer as skeptical.
Just wait for the truth to be out,we have the right to know!

DEC 21 2012

2008-02-19T06:56:00.001-08:00

Finally im back with a new post.
The following post is not meant for the faint of heart.
Read on with an open mind.
I was watching various documentaries and i stumbled upon something very interesting.
It first started from a ufo sightings video.
IN that video Aliens left messages which warned us about dec 21 2012 in the form of crop circles.
I know,i know crop circles were proven to be man made but if u see the following video i ask you to think for yourself how something so perfect n grand in scale be done by men?
It might be a hoax or it might be real.
Nobody can say for sure.
I can't post the entire video of the actual thing ,this is just to showcase to u a part of it.
You can ask me for it if you want to watch the full length video.

In the actual length video theres also a crop circle which is the mayan calendar.
The interesting thing is that the mayan calendar stops at dec 21 2012.
What does it signify?
Read on.

I then came across another video.
Titled doomsday clock.
It is a video thats over an hour.
It started out talking and explaining about geometry and the relations with 2012.
Then went on explaining about so many other things which indicated 2012.
For those who wants to watch it let me know.

The mayan calendar has predicted various events and disasters throughout history with great precision.
It is over thousand times more accurate than our current calendar as said by scientists and it predicted eclipse precisely.
The mayans were obsessed with time keeping and their calendar is testimony to that.
How did such an ancient civilization come up with such a calendar?
Thats a mystery.
Mysteriously enough their calendar ends at dec 21 2012.
What does it signify?
A dawn of a new age?end of the world?end of time as we know it?
Unfortunately the mayans are no longer around so we don't have the answer to that.

Interesting also is that various people have predicted the so called end of the world or great destruction on earth.
Could they been talking about what might happen in 2012?
In revelation of the bible ,it describes similar event.
Could it be the same thing?
The i ching also predicted it.
You can do a search up on i ching.
I don't want to explain about it here ,too long already.
ON top of that the web bot or something like that used by stock traders to predict events etc of the future had predicted more than that.
It predicted 2012 as well.

Ok i know you want proof.Next are scientifically proven.

In 1983 scientists discovered a planet which they named as planet x.
Planet x is going to orbit into our solar system in 2012.
Theres chances it might collide with earth.

Our sun will be aligned in the middle of the milky way in 2012.
Earth will have complete its complete wobble which takes 26,000 years which is in 2012.
Poles will change on earth.
so far earth's poles have changed several times before.
But it took 72 years to change a degree.
In 2012 the poles will change not in years,months or weeks but within hours.
Now those who have studied geography before knows how volcanoes are formed.
The massive change in just hours will cause massive number of volcanoes to form worldwide.
There will be massive tsunamis,earthquakes,etc as well.

It is rumoured that the us government will save selected people as they know that it is impossible to save everyone from the inevitable.
Foods are been stored underground etc.
The government is denying and putting a lid over 2012 as it will cause panic.
Around 2/3 of earth's population will perish.

The reason for my post is messages which i want to tell to people.
You choose what you want to believe in.
It might happen,it might not.
People have been talking about the end of the world since the beginning and predicted it as well and its always never happen.
BUT predictions of disasters and events are spot on.
So that is scary.
IT might not be the end of the world but 2/3 of us might perish.
I may sound very pessimistic but its not.
My message is that whether or not it happens what we should be doing is
to look at the future with optimism.
Remember the sayings live life to the fullest,live without regret,live each day as if its your last?
Well to me what 2012 means is a action signal.
A signal to take actions.
Cause sub consciously we know that we will live till old age etc so to act upon those
sayings is difficult.
Now what i know about 2012 it has given me the opportunity to program in my head
that i have only 4 years left .
In doing so i've been happier and more appreciative than before.
I hope you can do the same since this is such a great opportunity to do so.
So whether it happens or not at least we have lived our lives till then knowing that we have not wasted a day and theres no regret etc.
Thats the attitude to adopt.

DEC 21 2012

2008-02-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

Finally im back with a new post.
The following post is not meant for the faint of heart.
Read on with an open mind.
I was watching various documentaries and i stumbled upon something very interesting.
It first started from a ufo sightings video.
IN that video Aliens left messages which warned us about dec 21 2012 in the form of crop circles.
I know,i know crop circles were proven to be man made but if u see the following video i ask you to think for yourself how something so perfect n grand in scale be done by men?
It might be a hoax or it might be real.
Nobody can say for sure.
I can't post the entire video of the actual thing ,this is just to showcase to u a part of it.
You can ask me for it if you want to watch the full length video.

In the actual length video theres also a crop circle which is the mayan calendar.
The interesting thing is that the mayan calendar stops at dec 21 2012.
What does it signify?
Read on.

I then came across another video.
Titled doomsday clock.
It is a video thats over an hour.
It started out talking and explaining about geometry and the relations with 2012.
Then went on explaining about so many other things which indicated 2012.
For those who wants to watch it let me know.

The mayan calendar has predicted various events and disasters throughout history with great precision.
It is over thousand times more accurate than our current calendar as said by scientists and it predicted eclipse precisely.
The mayans were obsessed with time keeping and their calendar is testimony to that.
How did such an ancient civilization come up with such a calendar?
Thats a mystery.
Mysteriously enough their calendar ends at dec 21 2012.
What does it signify?
A dawn of a new age?end of the world?end of time as we know it?
Unfortunately the mayans are no longer around so we don't have the answer to that.

Interesting also is that various people have predicted the so called end of the world or great destruction on earth.
Could they been talking about what might happen in 2012?
In revelation of the bible ,it describes similar event.
Could it be the same thing?
The i ching also predicted it.
You can do a search up on i ching.
I don't want to explain about it here ,too long already.
ON top of that the web bot or something like that used by stock traders to predict events etc of the future had predicted more than that.
It predicted 2012 as well.

Ok i know you want proves.Next are scientifically proven.

In 1983 scientists discovered a planet which they named as planet x.
Planet x is going to orbit into our solar system in 2012.
Theres chances it might collide with earth.

Our sun will be aligned in the middle of the milky way in 2012.
Earth will have complete its complete wobble which takes 26,000 years which is in 2012.
Poles will change on earth.
so far earth's poles have changed several times before.
But it took 72 years to change a degree.
In 2012 the poles will change not in years,months or weeks but within hours.
Now those who have studied geography before knows how volcanoes are formed.
The massive change in just hours will cause massive number of volcanoes to form worldwide.
There will be massive tsunamis,earthquakes,etc as well.

It is rumoured that the us government will save selected people as they know that it is impossible to save everyone from the inevitable.
Foods are been stored underground etc.
The government is denying and putting a lid over 2012 as it will cause panic.
Around 2/3 of earth's population will perish.

The reason for my post is messages which i want to tell to people.
You choose what you want to believe in.
It might happen,it might not.
People have been talking about the end of the world since the beginning and predicted it as well and its always never happen.
BUT predictions of disasters and events are spot on.
So that is scary.
IT might not be the end of the world but 2/3 of us might perish.
I may sound very pessimistic but its not.
My message is that whether or not it happens what we should be doing is
to look at the future with optimism.
Remember the sayings live life to the fullest,live without regret,live each day as if its your last?
Well to me what 2012 means is a action signal.
A signal to take actions.
Cause sub consciously we know that we will live till old age etc so to act upon those
sayings is difficult.
Now what i know about 2012 it has given me the opportunity to program in my head
that i have only 4 years left .
In doing so i've been happier and more appreciative than before.
I hope you can do the same since this is such a great opportunity to do so.
So whether it happens or not at least we have lived our lives till then knowing that we have not wasted a day and theres no regret etc.
Thats the attitude to adopt.

Stop at nothing

2008-01-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

Its the new year and a new post after a long time.
IN just a year 2007,i've experienced the most ups and downs in my life so far.
Many of the downs which i now call setbacks could have crippled and left me paralyzed and even a walking dead.
Now as i look back at all the things that had happened i admire and impressed by the changes i went through,i broke through many of my mental boundaries and achieved things unthinkable to my old self.
Even with all the things i learned and personal power i still experienced many setbacks which tested my level of commitment,patience,determination,spirit,mind,body and tested me on the knowledge i had gained.
It was not easy,i could have given up.

I could have ok "Elias you have given all you have got at it and it failed,well at least you've tried so now just listen to what other people have been telling you and live it".
How often do u listen to other people and live your life that way?They tell you do this,that,etc and you live out your life as a script.
I'm not saying that you should not listen to them and take their words for trash.I'm telling you that should take in what they say and form your own thoughts.
They care for you and their own references formed their thoughts and beliefs which are their own,don't let let their beliefs become yours.
You seek your own truth,your own path.
Even if what they say might be true and by ignoring them and still doing things your way and failing might make you the fool,i'm telling you it's ok.
Because by trying,by taking your own steps you are learning.No matter the distance,how many times you fall and could never see the end to it never give up.
The moment you give up,all that you have done are wasted when you keep at it you will see the end of it.
"nothing is impossible and impossible is nothing"

Unrestrained will has brought me me to this path i walk

2007-12-17T16:59:00.000-08:00

I've finally found what i can be very passionate about doing as work.
It challenges me and keeps putting me out of my comfort zone.
It also testes my patience,will power,passion,emotional control,etc.
Many people have kindly advised me to take small steps,to do it the safe way,to be wise.
I respect and take in all they have said and i form my own opinion based on it,i don't
let their realities be forced into mine.
Stubborn,yes im in a way that i know what i want and who i want to be and im not letting anything stop me in my path.Thats how successful people are created they are stubborn in that sense.
I was under alot of pressure,pressure that would have broken my fighting spirit and made me give up and follow what everyone else does.
My fire was put down till it was low,but my inner voice my inner self couldn't just sit back and watch as the flame burns out.
As the flame was dying out the fighting spirit in me kept it burning and slowly the flame burned larger and brighter than ever before.
I have found new strength.
I know myself i know what i m limited and capable of doing,and i've had always short changed myself.
I know im capable of so much more,i know that all my setbacks have made me who im today.
Because of this i know that i can handle pressure without breaking.
Im not going to quit and i will keep going at it even if im faced with many setbacks.
I see them as challenges instead of obstacle and i find that i have the ability to move beyond them.
When i encounter problems i will climb over,go around,or go under until i reach my goal.

Life's a lesson

2007-12-05T05:52:00.000-08:00

We tend to learn things the hard way.
Because it's easier not to change.
Im sure you know what im talking about.
We don't change and keep doing what we are doing until we hit a brick wall.
We are creatures of habit.We keep doing what we are doing until we are forced to change.
Setbacks in life are the turning points of our lives.
The universe is always nudging us with gentle signals.
When we ignore the signals,it nudges us with a sledgehammer.
Growth is most painful when we resist it.
Successful people are people who don't go looking for problems but when problems come they deal with them by asking themselves "what is great about this problem,how can i counter it?"
Losers ask themselves "why is my luck so bad,why does everything bad happens to me?"

See the differences?

We are continually being presented with lessons.Unless we learn the lessons,we get to take them again...and again....and again.
Thats why we get setbacks after setbacks after setbacks,because there is a lesson we are not learning from it.
Until we learn a lesson we either stay stuck on the same lesson or keep getting the same lesson in different packages.
Life goes like this.We get hit by little pebbles -as a kind of warning.
When we ignore the pebbles,we get hit by a brick.
Ignore the brick and we get wiped out by a boulder.
If we're honest,we can see where we have ignored the warning signs.
And then we have the nerve to say: "why me?"

Regenerate

2007-12-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

I grew my wings last year only to lose them again.
I thought to myself,i gave my all and managed to grow wings finally but now these very wings were torn and i felt helpless.
How could my clipped wings ever be back again.
But you know what i grew new wings again this year.
It through determination and strong belief in yourself.
Never doubt what you are capable of doing.
God or who or whatever has given us everything we can ever ask for.
Its our mind.
How you use it determines your life.
Don't bother praying to God for help,for God helps those who helps themselves and besides he has given us everything .
Its your duty to find out what you have and how to use it.

If you feel that your wings are gone don't be despair for you can grow new wings and they are stronger than the ones before.

GO GO GO Elias

2007-12-05T04:46:00.000-08:00

HAhaha.Im charging forth for my dreams,goals etc.
You should too,think big and kick ass.
Never give up on your dreams,live each day as if it was your last.
Dare to dream,for dreams makes us feel alive.
Never let others put you down.
I will be going forth on my journey towards my dreams and i know im going to make it.

If your life is not what you want it to be,don't be afraid to ask yourself whether you are doing what you want and what is right for you.

No matter how old you are measure yourself against your own feelings,ambitions,and goals,not those of others.That might mean standing up to friends,family,and colleagues who think they know what is best for you.
PLug in to your own electricity.
It might flow better through another socket.

Don't conform to the opinions of others,seek and gather your own opinions.
Others might mean you well, they are sincerely looking out for you but that doesn't mean that they are right because they can be sincerely wrong.
As in my case,my friend chan always advised me to be grounded,don't aim for the sky.
He is not wrong neither is he right,its just his side of the story our duty towards ourselves is to listen to all this advices but never base your decision on them just take them as references,you form your own side of the story and react accordingly.

I shall leave you with this:
“ Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.”
- Victor Kiam

Follow your heart

2007-12-05T02:41:00.000-08:00

THE TEN CONCEPTS:

1:We are here to learn lessons,and the world is our teacher.

2:The universe has no favourites.

3:Your life is a perfect reflection of your beliefs.

4:The moment you get too attached to things,people,money..you screw it up.

5:What you focus on in life expands.

6:God is never going to come down from a cloud and say,"You now have permission to be successful!"

7:FOllow your heart

8:When you fight life,life always wins.

9:How do you love people?Just accept them.

10:Our mission in life is not to change the world-our mission is to change ourselves.

Video of me doing a short drum fill

2007-11-30T04:45:00.000-08:00

just decided to record a video of me doing a short drum fill for fun.
Still needs lots of practice.he.
The beginning is just warming up the drum fill is towards the end.

Focus shift

2007-11-25T04:56:00.000-08:00

First day of school at ite.

I was not very excited to go to school as it was bitter sweet,bitter because the school sucks i mean look at it and sweet because its a new life for me.

Walking pass the front gates and towards school i saw what turned out to be a BAKA waving at me.
Upon getting closer and having a better look it turns out that the BAKA was the girl who was at the interview with me.
She is Lijuan hahaha.
I felt relieved as at least there is someone familiar around.

As bad and sucky the school is compared to ite simei,as long as you get used to it its ok.haha.
Some good points...hmmmm ok more like 1 good point only and that is cheap food thats about it.hahah.

Lijuan lend me a book its andrew matthews being happy.
That book was the start of how my life has changed so radically.

I started to realised many things.
Will share with you what they are for the next post so stay tuned .....meanwhile watch yama onna kabe onna on crunchyroll.com.hahaha.

AS HE THINKETH IN HIS HEART,SO IS HE

2007-11-21T06:53:00.000-08:00

CONTINUED>>>>

After that day i lost my faith,confidence,esteem,everything.
I lost the will to carry on,i lost the ability to think big and expect good things.
I felt that i would never again have expectations of having good things,i was not going to aim for the sky anymore.
I had rebuilt myself till i was at the peak and things were going good for me.
Till i fell all the way from the top,i was broken inside out.
I thought to myself
"i have no more strength left to pick myself up anymore for i have done so so many times in just a short period of time."
I was tired,dead heart in a dead world.
I was telling some of my friends that im a dead heart in a dead world.
I gave all i've got and i have nothing left within me to go forth.
I no longer believed in anything anymore.
I have given up totally.
That was how it was.

SO THE QUESTION NOW IS THIS>
How could a person that broken,dead and lost all his strength etc and still managed to pick himself up and live again?
And if i can do it so can any of you.Simple as that.Read on>>>

Dinah and timothy was there for me when i was broken,and i broke down a few times.
It was just horrible.Its thanks to them too that im who im today.
Then i left the job.
A good friend,Chan told me that i shouldn't try to reach for sky that i should be grounded.
He is a wise guy and he said that he have seem many people and he knows about things and that he asked me for my birthday before and he could tell that i wasn't meant to make it big that i can only live my life roughing it out as a commoner.
Hearing that kept me grounded but it killed me as to hear something like that and i started to believe so too.
I know he meant well.
My friend Daniel,introduced me to watch bleach an anime.
And so i watched and i also watched naruto.
Naruto inspired me a great deal and it strengthen me during that dark period.
Naruto has a never say die attitude and so he never backs out and give up no matter how badly beaten he was.
It touched me and i then adopted his attitude.
And he also strongly believes in himself that he will make it big.
His fighting spirit sparked the fire to burn within me again.
.

I received a letter from ite stating that it is the last open registration for some courses.
I looked through and thought no way am i goign to ite.
I never went to ite after my o levels because its the last of the worst,theres no way i was going to enter ite.
It will be like backtracking because my o levels qualification is higher than a ite cert.
Then soon after some time,i decided to give it a try anyway since im left with nothing to lose.
The only course i was interested was digital audio and video production because of that one word-digital audio.HAhahaha.

I wanted the class at ite simei but no more vacancy,damn what a kick in the middle region.
It was only available at ang mo kio,and i was resentful as ite amk is one of the worst ite.HAHAHA.Don't listen to the crap about go west,go to ang mo kio thats bull....hahah ok moving on...

And so i interviewed for it and got through.
It was bitter sweet.You can guess why.

TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN>>>....

AND oh one more thing,thanks to all who are reading and have been reading.
Happy now LIjuan?hahah.

DESTROY ERASE IMPROVE

2007-11-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

The posts were meant for my own,they were written for me alone.
Like a musician who writes his music for his own passion and if people like thats good and if they don't it doesn't matter.
As i have stated before the post are meant as leverage for myself.
Judging from the feedbacks i have achieved my objectives though not yours,like it was stated before it was meant for me.
All feedbacks are very much appreciated as it shows that theres people reading.

Stay tuned for the saga.Like a good movie it has its beginning then the complications followed by the climate and then the ending,its called the 3 act.
Thats the way i've written.
Its the way you perceive it to be.

IN THE HALLS OF AWAITING

2007-11-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

CONTINUED AS PROMISED>>.......

Thanks to Miss stranger for reading my little known blog.

The disappointment set in and i was on the verge of breaking apart again.
I wasn't offered to go in the course i wanted so badly and i wasn't even offered to even go in the sonic arts course in Rp which was my 2nd choice,all the other choices are nothing but fill ins.

I was offered all nothing but design courses in mostly TP.
I was not interested in any of the design courses.
I was devastated.
Depression came back to me,it which was successfully put under control came back.

"Nooooooo,theres still a way"
I pulled myself back up refusing to give up.
I was working for Nicole's cousin's business at the time,they were great people and Dinah and Timothy brought me to Sp to appeal.
I was again devastated when i was told that my chances were very slim.
I broke down again.
Depression came back once again.

Once again the fighting spirit in me refused to back down like that.
With the counsellings of Dinah and Timothy i decided to appeal for Rp's sonic arts.
It was not what i really wanted but at least it was something close.

I applied for the DAE i think or something for Rp.
Then i waited holding on to my withering strength for the result of my application.
That day came.
Went to check online for my results of the application.
Yet again another setback.....
"How many setbacks must i endure?"

"I am already very tired,i had enough of all these."

"I gave my all to gain back control but all these is too much to take."

I broke down and cried and Dinah comforted me.
For the next few days i was broken,lifeless.

Then i decided ok thats it im giving whatever i have left now to try what i don't want but at least the prospect of it is not bad-moving images in Tp.

And so i got myself an interview for the course.
After that i could just wait patiently for the result.

That day came.
I didn't get in.
That was it.

"i hide from truth
living in denial
caught in a dream
afraid of waking
see through tears
uncried and forgotten
someone save me....
save me from my fate"

"the higher i climb
the deeper i fall
a downward spiral
to my destruction
my own mind
is my prison
is this the way...
the way it has to end....?"

"from now on there's an abscence of smile,of hope
foul voices welcome me to loneliness
now lonely is my road,path paved with bitter thoughts
conception of beauty excluded from this heart
within closed doors no one speaks,behind barred windows no soul lives
as i walk the soil beneath my feet is crumbling..."

"Now the light has faded away
night condensing around me,leading astray
left but anguish and shame to haunt me in the shades
so be it,perdition is my home
since the day it all came down"

"Sunless is the path i roam,bitter is the air i breathe
fell is the icy blast,coming from the hills
blowing through my ailing heart,wailing in the emptiness inside"

"Vanished is the light i had,hidden deep in rimy soil
all hope is long since gone
merciless the grasp of despair"

"would you come and share
my cross,my pain,my heartbroken nature
for this burden is too heavy tobear
too troublesome for one man to handle
since my darkness swallowed
the last gleam of light
i've been rambling in the shadows
hour after hour in the dark
they who never got sorrow
grinding grief in their hearts
never lost a thing
never had a thing
now these bitter tears run ceaseless
and drown my hope far too deep
i've been clothed in mourning
wearing sorrow day and night"

"these are my waking hours
in cold sunlight i pine away
towards yet another morning
till following hopeless day"

"wretched is my lot here,mirthless my fate
alone to face the cruel winters,endure the dreary cold
what is there to hope for,what is there to seek
whose sins am i atoning for?
whose lapses am i forced to undo?

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>

The bitter end?

2007-11-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

What im going to type in the next few posts is going to be even more depressive than what i've ever done so far so be prepared.
Why am i putting so much emphasis on the pain?
I am creating leverage for myself,i need more leverage to push myself forth.
At times i submit myself to feeling disempowerment.
I have lots of fire burning but it gets smaller at times.
Lately i've have been feeling really down,the goal i set for myself seem more difficult the more i learnt about business etc.
Disempowering thoughts and questions were pulling me down.
So i need to associate as much pain as i can to the experience to break up my pattern to change everything,to turn things around.
By making it more painful ,painful to the point that i tell myself ok i must change or i rather be dead.
To then think and bring in the pleasures that will follow after changing the pain.

I will be sharing with you peeps soon on what technique im using to create that leverage to get out of pain and into pleasure.
There is going to be more posts on self improvements etc to come.
I will share whatever i can which i learnt to you peeps.
To learn from experience is good but if your can learn from someone's else experience thats better.
I couldn't be who i am now and to be if i didn't give myself that chance.
So to whoever who are reading ,if you have any areas in your life that you want to change please give yourself the chance.
Come to me if you want i will see how i can help you,i m more than willing to help.
I know i can't force you with all this information ,knowledge etc you will come when you are ready for it.

The saga of pain begins next>>.........IN THE HALLS OF AWAITING

One last thing,miss stranger pls do tag me if you can,it will be appreciated.haha.

Forging forth

2007-11-18T06:41:00.000-08:00

After the long suffering in NS i took the first step towards my goal,i went to register
at bmc tampines to retake my o levels.
Then on i worked n studied the hardest i could.
The teachers knew i was hardworking and they acknowledged my ability to learn.
I was in the top few in my class.
I studied everyday at home.
I didn't have the intention to make friends in class at first,all i wanted to do was focus on my studies and head back home after school to study.
I read about mind power etc from the net and i was gaining control,confidence,esteem etc.
I was in a great shape.

Then along came 2 new classmates,they were girls.
They were friendly and i became their friend.
They told me i m cute,i was so flattered and in cloud 9.
That was the first time a girl said that to me.
It was unbelievable to me,that feeling was new to me something i could never have imagined.
I felt really good about myself.

Then along came more friends.
We headed out to tampines mall everyday after school like it was our second home.
Ate at long john silver almost everyday as the girls loved to eat at long john silver.
Slowy i got influenced by them and studied lesser.
But i still studied hard just not as hard.

Then came the real deal-the o levels.
I was confident and the papers were easy.
I was so sure that i could get less than 12 points and get into singapore poly without any trouble at all.

The day of reckoning came and it was in the mail.
The moment of opening it up was difficult.
But i was still sure i will get what i wanted.
Got it opened and read.
Heart dropped to the bottom.
I scored so badly,i couldn't believe it.
I failed my maths too.
I was lost.
I thought it was a mistake.
Infact i was so certain it was a mistake on their part or an error in their system.
My friends called me and i called them.
They too couldn't believe the score i was getting.
Told them that it must be a mistake so wait for the news at night to report about it.
I was deluding myself.

Night came.
The news aired and still there was nothing,no sign of a mistake or error in their system.
I started to lose hope.
Then i deluded myself again.
"theres still tomorrow isn't there?"
And so i held onto my delusion.

The next day came and another went by.
I finally resigned myself and gave up.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>

DRUM xchange singapore

2007-11-17T05:36:00.002-08:00

ERIC called me to join drum xchange singapore of www.soft.com.sg.
Drummers gather together to share tips,skills etc.
It was a nice experience,people gathering together for their passion.

Class Assignment

2007-11-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

Some pics taken during the video production assignment in the studio.

Finally the clouds cleared

2007-11-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

CONTINUED..

IT was yet another day just like the day before in ns.
Bored to death and decaying.
Flipping through the newspaper i saw the silver lining at last.
New course at singapore poly-music technology.
I love music and this was like a calling for me.
I decided to retake my o levels something which i never ever wanted to do,
to study the course.
The fact that it is singapore poly didn't bother me at all,all that i knew was
that i wanted it and i was going to get it no matter what.
Nothing in the world was going to stop me except me.

I never knew that im capable of being so smart or have good memory until one day.
I was thinking of taking my driving license so i went to register with my ns friend and i read the theory book.
I had doubt of myself,i told him that i have poor memory.
He say no worries just keeping reading through over and over again im sure it will be in your head even if you dont want it to be,you will know it like the back of your hand.
I did so and i passed the theory test like nothing.
It was the start of me believing in myself.

MORE TO COME>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED

Skin After Skin

2007-11-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

CONTINUED

Lesson :

Depression is one of the most horrible thing someone can go through,i've been there done that i know.
Its tough really tough,it is very draining,drains one of whatever life he or she has left.
It is like a disease it keeps spreading throughout you,slowly taking over your life from the shadows it came from.
When it comes you cannot hide from it,infact sometimes you welcome it with open arms.
Negativity hits you from all sides,like walls closing in on you and you will feel suffocated.
The pain becomes too overwhelming that you rather die.
You wonder wheres the silver lining in the cloud or the light at the end of the tunnel that people often speak of.
You start to think everything is a lie.All you ever experienced was a lie,nothing means anything anymore.
Your heart dies leaving you nothing but an empty shell,dead heart in a dead world.

You go crazy because many things are racing through your already chaotic mind.
In truth it might seem that we are thinking of many things at once but actually its our thoughts queuing up one after another like a queue because the human brain does not think of many things at once it only can process a thing at a time.
So thats why it is valuable to learn the skill of positive thinking,because our thoughts are queued up for processing we can insert positive thoughts to cut to the first in queue to push back negative thoughts to the back.
In doing so you will be empowering yourself.
Like when i was on the edge of no return,i inserted other thoughts to quickly push back all the negativity.

Some might ask but isn't that a bad idea too as you will be pushing back the negativity to the back of the queue doesn't that means that one day it will still come back and its square one again?
Yes,it comes back but by pushing the negativity to the back it gives you time in your clear state of mind to cut off and eliminate totally all the negativity thats left at the back of the queue.

More to be continued as usual....well well well i wonder how many people actually reads my blog...hmmmmm

The moment of reckoning

2007-10-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

CONTINUED

"You are not as hollow as you think Elias"
Those words came into mind.
My thoughts were of my mother and my dog.
"can you bear to leave them behind?"
"they will be so devastated if you are gone.
You can end your miserable life and leave this world
but they are still living and they have to bear the burden ,the cross of you being gone.Are you that heartless?"
"You still have many unaccomplished things in life,things to experience etc.
How can you just leave like that?
You hate to lose so why give up?
You have a strong will to survive since birth and have endured through
the many setbacks,bad lucks,etc in life so why give up now?
You know that you are born to achieve great things in life so why end it?
You have to prove to yourself and people!!!"

My mind was filled with empowering positive thoughts and i was reborn that moment.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Death whispered a lullaby

2007-10-27T05:32:00.000-07:00

After leaving secondary school i worked various part time jobs for 2 years.I've worked as sales man,sales assistant,mover,cashier,waiter,flyers distributer door to door and flyers distributer.
I managed to defer ns for those 2 years as i put that i was trying lasalle,i wanted to study music in lasalle as i love music but i don't have the music grades so i interviewed for some backstage thing luckily i didn't get through.
So i worked and slacked those 2 years and my favourite job was distributing flyers door to door,even though it was very tiring but i had fun as i enjoyed the freedom.
I was still very miserable,i didn't know what i could do in life.
I was suffering from depression,i felt that i had nothing,noone and no future.
Finally i was enlisted into ns.The start of the damage done.

"afraid of this slow decay
you see me fade away"

Bmt was fun,i had great fun.
Then came the posting to various units.
I was posted to be an Rp,i was gleaming.
But reality was not kind to me,i was actually posted to the worst of RP-air force RP.
Everything was terrible,i was more miserable than ever alot of people were miserable too when they realised just what they got into.

"attached to this gloom i see
raping myself to be free..."

My mental state from that moment on went to a downward spiral,my platoon mates noticed that i looked very depressed.
They would ask me whether i was fine.
It was tough to be away from my dog,my room and my friends.
The distance between me and my friends was increasing as i was in ns and they were busy in poly.
So i felt really lonely.
I made a net friend,her name is deb short for debra.
I shared with her my problems etc and she told me to pick up the pieces of my life and move on.
Soon she left to Australia for studies.
I felt left behind.
I wanted to seek help,wanted to go to the army counseling
but didn't as it will appear on my report and when i work next time
it will affect the employers in the way they see me

"all i feel in this weary hour
is weakness and dismay
in solitude
thoughts revolve around your way
all i see is you slipping further away
lost in a void of grey..."

I've also shared my problems etc with my best friend chris whom is like a brother to me.
But the more i shared the more i felt that maybe i shouldn't have shared it as i felt he didn't get what i was saying,what i was suffering.
I felt foolish,that my words didn't reach him,i felt i couldn't reach anyone.
So why even bother trying?
I should had stayed in my shell,no one will understand.
All of what im suffering is nothing.
Im nothing
Those were my thoughts.

"i'm yearning to reveal my burden
for the sake of sympathy,
another moment lost
lenient efforts sink down in to oblivion and
my irrelevance shines completely through"

Theres alot more for me to type etc which happened .
but im just cutting short alot of stuff but i might get to them next time.

"bewailing my memories
my death is all that i claim
nothing could fill my insanity
my opaque apathy bleeds.."

As time passed so did the pain,loneliness etc,the negative side just kept growing i felt suffocated.
I became suicidal,i kept visualizing of killing myself to end it all.

" spending all my time
trying to prove to myself
you're not as hollow as you seem
suffering and love seem to have the same face
leading this soul towards the end"

I thought to myself. I have nothing,no gf,no real home,no money,no way of competing with people with diplomas and degrees etc.
I really felt i had nothing.
I had low self esteem,confidence since secondary school.
That is another story for another time.
I felt that i had mostly bad luck.
I didn't know what my purpose in life was.
I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I hated myself,the way i look,think etc.

"with this loathe engrained in me
i falter in despair
i perish away in my taint of shame
lost,astray again...."

I always believed that im meant to achieve great things in life.
To have my wings clipped and fall to the ground with no hope of ever flying again,
i gave up my last positive thought.
It was my night shift to do duty.
I sat outside the guardroom with my platoon mates sleeping inside.
Surrounded by darkness,my mind lapsed into darkness.

"i will no more embrace this rape so wild.
i pray this stair to end
i can't go deeper
i see no light,no end..."

I had my rifle and a magazine which was loaded.
I loaded my magazine into my rifle.
Sitting there in the darkness,i pointed my rifle to my head.
"time to end it all,this is the end of my journey"
tears came rolling down my cheeks as i thought about my mom,dog etc
How i was going to leave them all behind,what i didn't accomplish,what i didn't experience etc.
My mind was racing.Heart pounding.

"asunder of this painful theft
theft of all i had
i feel so ashamed,embraced with hate
as death leaves me to wait"

To be continued.......

Follow the hollow

2007-10-25T04:09:00.000-07:00

CONTINUED.....

Lesson Learnt:"Circumstances doesn't control a man,men are in control of how circumstances affects them"-Elias Titus
As bad as my circumstances seemed to me at that point of time,the brutal truth is that im to be blamed for letting all of it to affect me.I allowed what was happening at home to affect me in my studies and life.We are the one in control of our destinies.It boils down to the choices we make in life,what we choose is what affects us not the environment,people or circumstances.A person born into a abusive family can either choose to grow up to be whatever his/her parents is like or choose to be the opposite and be the most caring person around.Its all up to us so don't make the mistake of letting your situation,environment,people etc to control you.
To say something like"but i was born into a family and my parents abuses me so i've grown into an abusive parent myself" is nothing but excuses,to shift the blame from oneself onto someone or thing,to play the victim role which people are good at so we feel better of ourselves.Yes,circumstances,environment,people etc can influence us but the truth is that we have to power to choose,we choose whether it affects us or not.Be responsible for yourself for noone else is.

To be continued.......what again?.....

Since the day it all came down

2007-10-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

I was an extremely mischievous boy since kindergarden,i used to fight a lot and i was talkative too.My talkativeness got me changing seats often by my teachers but that didn't stop me from talking and not paying attention in class.Then in secondary 6 i decided to study hard for the psle,it was the first time in a long time that i actually studied hard.With all the hard work i passed my psle and went on to st'patrick's school.

I had many great friends from secondary 1 but most of them transfered to another school one after another.It affected me as i had lesser friends.Then came the splitting of classes for sec 3 to a class taking history or geography.This split further affected me as my close friends were no longer in the same class as me,i was in the history class.
It was during this period of time that my brother got to know a "girl" from god knows where.Theres a lot to type but im just going to cut a long story short for this part of the story."She" moved in to stay with the opposition of my mom.Day in and day out my brother would quarrel with "her" and it affected me like the way children does when their parents quarrels in front of them.It was just plain hell,i felt like my home was no longer home.IT affected me in my studies as well.This problem at home coupled with my friends getting lesser in school affected me to the point that i somehow became quieter and also became anti social.This was the start of me becoming a very angry young man and also the start of my depression which then lasted for 7 years.I was not motivated to study as i didnt have a goal to work towards.I was not interested of any course in poly,jc n ite so i didnt felt the need for me to study.Eventually i failed my 'O'levels.The day of the results came and i went to collect my results,when i saw my results i was not feeling anything i had become numbed.I expected the results.I was not really affected by it initially but as time passed it slowly ate me from the inside.

TO BE CONTINUED......

The scattering of ashes

2007-10-23T05:04:00.000-07:00

Im going to blog about what i want to become,to achieve,etc but before i do that im going to share with you my story what i've been through,what i learnt etc so keep coming back for updates.Theres so much that i want to type and to share so i will try to the best of my ability to blog about it to u.

Bear with it as there will be many parts.Thank your for taking some time off to read through what im about to embark on and hope u can learn some things from my story.

Thought of the day

2007-10-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

"your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's live.
Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most importantly have the courage to follow your heart and intuition,they somehow already know what you truly want to become,everything else is secondary.-steve jobs

THINK BIG AND KICK ASS

2007-10-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

Here is a food for thought for u peeps.

Remembering that i will be dead soon is the most important tool i've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Because almost everything ,all external expectations or pride or fear of embarrassment or failure,these things just fall away in the face of death leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that your are going to die is the best way i know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.
You are already naked there is no reason not to follow your heart.-Steve Jobs

Contemplation

2007-10-19T04:16:00.000-07:00

During the holidays,being away from school life freed me from the mindset of a student and actually allowed me to think.The thought of quitting my current ite course came into mind.My previous goal and plan was to do well in school and start up my own business by next year while schooling,then my thoughts led me to thinking of quitting the course so i can concentrate on my goals full time.
Came monday the start of a new school term.While in class a thought came into mind."I should quit and study business in ite or a private school".
Then i got back home and made my calls to my mentor and friends to listen to their thoughts on it.I then went online to look up on the business courses offered in ite,"damn i thought to myself,all these courses are of no use to me in the future as they teach you to manage events,other people's businesses and accounting,i don't want to study those".so i went on to sim website to see.The same thing they are teaching stuffs not what i want to learn so finally i made up my mind not to leave ite and to carry on with my plans .I will research and study about business through the net,books and people instead,this way i save money on paying thousands to these private schools and i learn only what i need to learn.

3rd day of shooting[final]

2007-09-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

So here it is the 3rd day of shooting which is also the final.Oops n i still haven't intro the two hong kong students to you peeps,the guy is Rix n the girl is Kay,btw they will be our 2nd teacher when school reopens.So yeah davp will be seeing them real soon.

2nd day of shooting

2007-09-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

Im a man of few words,so i let the photos do the talking.

Helping ms fee out

2007-09-25T03:33:00.000-07:00

I was chosen to help ms fee for her shooting for tuesday,wenesday and friday this week.
Thats like kind of lonely coz no one else whom i know will be there.
Theres another 2 helping out and they r from hong kong.
They are here as exchange students for 1 year.
They speak cantonese which im know only a little of and i speak english which they know little of too so theres a communication barrier there,but we were still able to communicate none the less with mandarin n english.haha.
Well shooting was rather boring ,a lot of waiting around for this person n that person etc,but still i enjoyed myself .
It would be so much better if im paid though hahaha.
Ms fee is damn professional, she looked into a lot of details etc.
Its a lot of hard work to get good work,its never easy.
Makes me think of what we students did for our own productions,we find this n that too troublesome etc n just do things the easy way which results in shit quality as compared to what i've experienced.
So its time to step up on it after the holidays to do the best and nothing but the best.
So i will be like ms fee n look out for every little thing so what ever im not happy with etc im not going to be the quiet nice guy ,i will voice out n try to get everything done well no more slacking or doing the easy way.

here r the photos taken for the day,day 1 of shooting.

the set up for an interview

The set up in the ceo's room

n here r some pics of us.

pics of our new studio

2007-09-12T04:03:00.000-07:00

pics taken today while doing photo shoot for the course ,yes we will be on print!!!!the studio is still not done yet but the lightings in there r freaky awesome as you can see in the pics.

no more videos

2007-09-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

sorry i wont be posting up as many videos or at all because uploading videos to youtube takes like ages and while im uploading,i cannot do much on my com as it will hang.gosh!!!!nvm those who wants to watch the videos that i take can ask from me on msn-acrimonious@hotmail.com

Saravanan's wedding!!!

2007-08-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

Class outing at sentosa

2007-08-23T05:35:00.001-07:00

pics taken during the class outing to sentosa.I was disappointed that day because we had to gather around 1.30pm at vivocity after been at sentosa for only around 2 hours

.

Videos of Anthony and Winson with their version of jackass

2007-08-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Here are videos of Anthony and Winson doing their own stunts inspired by jackass.Enjoy the videos.....

video presentations of ite

2007-08-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

here are videos done by the 4 groups by index no. in our class.The videos are about introducing the school.Badly done videos,lots of mistakes,etc but fun none the less.
So sit back and enjoy the videos.

Food for thought

2007-08-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Religions take away everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and makes it wrong.
Why?Well if you're busy fighting your internal drives,and you see GOD as the only way to cleanse yourself of these "bad" thoughts,then you are a much better SHEEP.

Your beliefs are never absolutely true!

2007-08-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

Understand that that the beliefs you have are never absolutely true.
Beliefs are not proven facts.they are nothing but perceptions,opinions,generalizations we make about the world around us.

For every belief you hold,no matter how much you think it is true,there is always somebody out there with a totally opposite belief.
And to them,their belief is as valid as yours is to you.

Although beliefs are never absolutely true,it becomes totally true for the person who believes in it!
This is simply because whatever you belief becomes your reality.

At any point of time you do not experience reality,but you experience your own perception of reality.

Our brains are always deleting and distorting what we see,hear and feel.This is why two people can experience the same event,yet both perceive it very differently.For example,if two people had an argument,both parties will have very different accounts of what had happened.
It is not so much that one or the other is lying,but both parties delete and distort what they experienced,depending on their personal beliefs.

Adam khoo.

Some videos of Jannson and syed

2007-08-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

here are some videos of Jannson doing his card tricks-amazing!!!,and syed laughing.(hope i got his name right)

Outing with shuxuan

2007-08-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

Wish u all the best in your new direction.Make the best of it.

Carcrash symphony

2007-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

classmates' performance

Jannson doing his card trick

2007-08-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

Zoo photos for presentation

2007-07-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the photos taken on the class outing to the zoo.The photos and this blog will be seen by all of my classmates.so here goes.

New class mtvs

2007-07-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

pics and videos for the past few days

2007-07-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

The adventure to the haunted mansion

2007-07-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

The first time i n chris went with people from wholivesnearyou.com to the tyersall mansion which is abandoned n said to be haunted n people from spi forum who went there said it is one of the most scary place in singapore.

THe haunted mansion is next to botanic gardens.The first time we went there by car.When we reached there,upon seeing the gate it made us scared as it was complete darkness beyond the gate.Chris was the one to open the gate n we went in after him.There was 6 guys inculding me n chris who went in.

It was completely dark.We decided to not use torchlight on our way in which is about 1km as we learnt in ns to let our eyes adapt to the surrounding.Slowly our eyes got used to the darkness n it was no longer as dark as the sky became illuminated to our adjusted eyes.Walking in surrounded by trees around us brought back memories of ns,it was serious fun,well at least to me it was even though it was damn scary too as u dont really dare to look to the sides as u might see unwanted stuffs.As we were approaching the mansion the sight of it caught our attentions.

We walked to the front of the mansion n tried to enter by the front by stopped n retreated as the ground was too dangerous to venture further.We decided to go to the back instead.NExt to the mansion is a garage which used to have an abandoned car.Then we walked towards the mansion.The mansion look damn freaking scary like shit.It is old,broken down n look every bit like the most haunted mansion would be.A perfect place to film horror movies.

On came the torchlights n we went in the mansion,we wanted to explore the 2nd level but it look too dangerous as the top level was destroyed n it look like the 2nd level could collapse so we just explored the first level.There r many rooms in the mansion which surprised us as when u look at the mansion from the outside it doesn't look like it would have so many rooms.

SO far the first trip there was fun,very fun n we didnt feel anything in there even chris who used to be able to see ghost didnt sense anything too.The most scary parts were the trip in n out of the mansion.

I was damn addicted to exploring haunted places after there n hungered for more so me,chris n verlene went there on sat,just the 3 of us.This time chris felt 2 ghosts in the mansion n told us after we left.The following r pics n 2 videos taken with my hp during that outing.

Bought these 2 figurines today

2007-07-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

pics of some nice figurines

2007-07-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Figurines i m going to get

2007-07-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

Some pics taken with my hp again

2007-07-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

My new collection aka"ero" collection.lol.

Product taking done with my hp.

Ghosts captured by me on camera

2007-07-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

"Ghosts" captured by me.Enjoy the ghastly pictures.lol.

SOme pics n videos taken today

2007-07-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

Chris playing 1 litre of tears

2007-07-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

Just some pics taken in the drawing lab 1

2007-07-11T05:27:00.000-07:00

Heres some videos of the day

2007-07-10T03:33:00.000-07:00

SNapshots

2007-07-06T06:39:00.000-07:00

SOme snapshots taken with my hp while at fort canning park taking photos for the "coffee table book".

Closing words

2007-07-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

this will be for now and forever the diverging of our paths..

now that this night has turned into a dawn
i step aside from this path of grieving
left with all these things i never had chance to say
words wishful,filled with caring

you must stop your bleeding
before you run yourself dry
you must let go of your wound
because love it is caring for is gone

as every breaking day fades away before the dusk
so does hate pause and resentment turn to reason
now it's time to straighten up,time for you to walk tall alone.....

Forlorn

2007-07-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

wretched is my lot here,mirthless is my fate
alone to face the cruel winters,endure the dreary cold
what is there to hope for,what is there to seek
for this forsaken child,for this forlorn son

whose sins am i atoning for ?
whose lapses am i forced to undo?

solace i find in the light of the pale moon
my comfort in the night the murmur of the trees
now i set forth without ever glancing back
it is time to make my own way through the dusk

insomnium

Death walked the earth

2007-07-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

brought back from the silence
as darkness whitened into a day
tried to weave the pieces together
force the past away

what have i for your to offer
besides this long haul
wade across vast snowfields
journey through endless moors

death walked the earth today
without a sound,motionless
forced its way into my arms
caressed me with the dark

insomnium

Bereavement

2007-07-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

would u come and share
my cross,my pain,my heartbroken nature
for this burden is too heavy to bear
too troublesome for one man to handle

since my darkness swallowed
the last gleam of light
i've been rambling in the shadows
hour after hour in the dark

they who never got sorrow
grinding grief in their hearts
never lost a thing
never had a thing

now these bitter tears run ceaseless
and drown my hope far too deep
it must've been the day we parted
when i trapped this sadness in me
i've been clothed in mourning
wearing sorrow day and night

insomnium

Daughter of the moon

2007-07-03T02:37:00.000-07:00

still at night i see her figure
flickering on moonlit glades
but passing is the hope she's giving
just a faintest breath of air and she's gone again

insomnium

The day it all came down

2007-07-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

from now on there's an abscence of smile
now lonely is my road,path paved with bitter thoughts
conception of beauty excluded from this heart
within closed doors no one speaks,behind barred windows no soul lives
as i walk the soil beneath my feet is crumbling.....
she was my sun and now the light has faded away
night condensing around me,leading astray
shining image torn down,remembrance of her fades
left but anguish and shame to haunt me in the shades

should i be content with the memory of the life i had?
or is the hell knowing what we could have become?

and now on there's an absence of hope...

so be it,perdition is my home
since the day it all came down

insomnium

Is this it?

2007-06-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

And as much as i have tried
to bury her from mind,
still sense her presence
so divine
see her face in
every natural feature.

A video of my precious dog,Betty

2007-06-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

ET-Evangelism Today

Career test

Rid of it

God never let me down

Temptations

The beginning of a new chapter

i cant break it to my heart

Avalanche

Just an outlet

Dedication

VIDEOS

The blister exists

FUCK IT ALL,FUCK THIS WORLD,FUCK EVERYTHING

Business as usual

Money the solution?

Venom and fire

CALL TO ARMS

Dying fetus

WAKE UP!!!

Zeitgeist

Food for thought

Dusting off your dreams

Stop associating with strivers

FIRST IN SINGAPORE

Onward advancing

Become what u believe

Im a mastermind

Staind

Chains off

The end is the beginning is the end

Trash(korn)

Prison of desire

Life on the moon

at sixes and sevens

Shadows In The Light

The disclosure project

DEC 21 2012

DEC 21 2012

Stop at nothing

Unrestrained will has brought me me to this path i walk

Life's a lesson

Regenerate

GO GO GO Elias

Follow your heart

Video of me doing a short drum fill

Focus shift

AS HE THINKETH IN HIS HEART,SO IS HE

DESTROY ERASE IMPROVE

IN THE HALLS OF AWAITING

The bitter end?

Forging forth

DRUM xchange singapore

Class Assignment

Finally the clouds cleared

Skin After Skin

The moment of reckoning

Death whispered a lullaby

Follow the hollow

Since the day it all came down

The scattering of ashes

Thought of the day

More posts coming up

THINK BIG AND KICK ASS

Contemplation

3rd day of shooting[final]

2nd day of shooting

Helping ms fee out

pics of our new studio

no more videos

Saravanan's wedding!!!

Class outing at sentosa

Videos of Anthony and Winson with their version of jackass

video presentations of ite

Food for thought

Your beliefs are never absolutely true!

Some videos of Jannson and syed

Outing with shuxuan

Carcrash symphony

Jannson doing his card trick

Zoo photos for presentation